Chaos & the Geek (Grace Grayson Security #1) - Elizabeth Stevens Page 0,61

convinced I’d want her forever, my head was a little more cynical.

“You know?” she continued, and I nodded. “I just think it’d be smart if we put last night down not as a mistake, but just something we can’t – shouldn’t – do again. For everyone. I’d hate to lose you, Kit. And I know Patrick would never forgive me if we fell out again.”

I could only nod. She was, unfortunately, right. Sex was all well and good – the sex had been phenomenal, to be honest. The driving, base need to protect her was great. But if I couldn’t promise her anything then I had no right to possibly string us both along. We had too much history and too much potential future to do that to anyone involved. All of us deserved better.

“You’re right.”

Her relief was visible as she breathed out and relaxed. “Okay. Good. I was worried it would be weird.”

I scoffed, putting on as much nonchalant bluster as I could muster. “Weird? No. It doesn’t have to be weird.”

“Exactly. I mean, we’re both adults. Right?”

“Right.”

“Capable of adult conversations and handling things like…adults.”

“Definitely.”

“Okay. So, we’re agreed.”

“We are. Friends.”

“Friends.” She gave me a small smile and pointed behind her. “I should really go and study, though…”

I nodded. “Sure. I’ll organise some dinner a bit later.”

“That’d be great. Thanks.”

She gave me another smile, then turned and walked over to the dining table. I told myself my heart wasn’t going with her.

15

Amber

Holy freaking Jesus. I’d had sex. With Kit. I’d actually, finally lost my virginity and it was to my older brother’s best friend.

I wasn’t sure if I’d won the lottery or been cursed.

When I woke up on Monday, he was gone. I was naked and spread-eagled in his bed, and alone. I’d woken and felt amazing. I’d worn a goofy smile as I rolled around in his bed and breathed in deeply, just relishing his scent totally enveloping me.

By the time I’d dragged myself out of his bed, showered, dressed, and had a cup of coffee, that simple joy was fading and being replaced with doubt.

I couldn’t remember him leaving. Had he not said goodbye? Why hadn’t he woken me? Was he regretting it, so leaving was the easiest way to pretend it hadn’t happened? What was going to happen now that it had happened? What was Patrick going to say if he found out?

I had no real answers. All I knew was that I was sure it shouldn’t happen again. It was a one-time only sort of deal. And he’d agreed. Right?

So, why did I feel like the only wrong choice we’d made was saying we’d only ever be just friends?

Every moment since he’d come home the night before had been unbearable. The sexual tension alone felt enough to kill me. But trying to act normal been torture. Every time I thought I was definitely being normal, something minor would happen and I’d act even weirder in my effort to act normal.

Monday night after our talk had been okay. Kind of. Kit had actually cooked dinner for us, doing everything he could not to disturb me as he did. Even me and my amazing ability to dive into work and avoid my problems hadn’t saved me from continually looking at him.

When it was ready, we ate together on the couch as we watched a movie. It was only awkward if I realised it was awkward. Or when we, for example, accidently bumped as I rearranged.

“Sorry,” I huffed with a smile.

He shook his head. “All good.” But I saw him swallow and wondered what else he’d been thinking.

I had to swallow myself or I would have asked him. And I was pretty sure that wasn’t how friends were supposed to interact. Or was it? Now I was overthinking things again and all I could do was give him a stiff smile and shuffle closer to the other side of the couch.

After the movie finished, I actually counted to fifteen before I turned a smile on him and said, “I should probably get back to it. Geoffrey won’t read himself for the sixth time.”

Kit nodded. “Of course. I’ve got some work to check on anyway.”

I also nodded. “Okay. Great.”

And I went back to my work, all the while painfully aware of where in the penthouse Kit was without even having to see him. I could feel his hands on my body. I could taste his kiss. I could hear his voice in my ear, soft and low and the biggest