Chaos & the Geek (Grace Grayson Security #1) - Elizabeth Stevens Page 0,55
didn’t want you to slow down, Kit.”
And I didn’t. Sure, some of it had been momentarily terrifying. But Kit had always oozed protection. Combine that with the few too many champagnes and the fact I’d been in heat for him since…forever, but especially the last week, and you got a pretty potent temporary distraction. All I felt now was amazing. But I wanted more.
I wanted new memories. I wanted to put my past behind me, where it belonged. I wanted to fully move on. I wanted to let go. I wanted to know once and for all that fear didn’t rule me. And I had never felt safer with anyone outside my blood relatives than I had with Kit. At three, thirteen, or twenty-three, I felt safe with him.
“But I knew, Amber,” he said softly. “I knew and I couldn’t help it. You just…” He sighed heavily and pulled back enough to look into my eyes. “You test my limits. You make me forget…everything. It’s embarrassing and amazing. But that’s no excuse.”
There was a warm fuzziness to the moment. Like we could say or do anything in this moment and it would be accepted, it would be believed. There was no hiding, just open communication and a swirl of emotions and sexual tension that felt as weird as it did right.
I took his cheeks in my hands and looked into his eyes. “I want this, Kit. I asked for this.”
“But I–”
“If you’d said no when both of us wanted it, what does that tell me, Kit?” I asked him.
He blinked. “What?”
“What does that tell me?”
“I…I don’t know.”
“It tells me you think I can’t make my own decisions. It tells me you think I don’t know what’s best for me. It tells me you think you get to make my decisions for me.”
“Amber, that’s not what I meant at all.”
I shrugged. “Maybe not. But I can make my own decisions and it’s my birth right to either live happily with or regret those decisions later, not yours. If you hadn’t wanted to kiss me, fine. But don’t go assuming you know what I want or what’s best when I’m literally telling you what I want.”
His eyes shone with the smile I was too close to see. “All right,” he said finally. “I won’t do that again.”
“Good. Because there’s something else I want, if you also want it.”
“Oh, yeah?” he asked, nudging my nose with his. “And what’s that.”
“I want to have sex with you, Kit.”
He paused and I wasn’t sure if he liked or hated the totally outright way I’d said that.
When he finally spoke, he simply said, “I’d like that, too. But…”
“But what?” I asked when he didn’t go on.
“But we’re taking this slow and the moment you feel uncomfortable, you tell me to stop. No hesitation. No politeness. Just ‘stop’. Okay?”
I could tell he wasn’t going to do anything unless I agreed. And, all things considering – being the mad beating of my heart and my shortness of breath – I was happy to agree.
Nodding, I told him, “Okay.”
He nudged my nose again with his, then kissed me softly. Everything about him was suddenly softer. It was – dare I even think it – romantic. I felt safe and loved and wanted in a way I never had before.
Our kiss was slow, our hands lazily tracing each other’s bodies like we had all the time in the world, our bodies settling and moving together like they were made for it. His body was warm against mine and rougher in a ruggedly sexy way. His stubble rubbed against my skin – my cheek, my neck, my collarbone – as he trailed kisses all over me, but I liked it.
“You sure?” he whispered gently in my ear.
“If you ask me one–”
He planted a kiss on me and I could feel his smile. Then his nose nudged mine and he was looking into my eyes.
“Sorry. I can’t help but want to protect you…”
My heart fluttered wildly and I took a deep breath. “And I appreciate it. But I know what I want.”
A look passed through his eyes so quickly I wasn’t sure I’d seen it right, but it looked like pain. “I’m still surprised that’s me.”
“You worried I’ll change my mind?” I sassed, knowing now was no time for deep and meaningfuls. I wanted Kit to be my first and I wanted it to happen now, but I was worried we’d lose the moment.