“Amanda?” Brad snapped his finger near her ear, and she jumped. “I asked if you were okay.”
She’d been so lost in thought she hadn’t heard or seen him come up beside her. “Yes, but—”
Before she could continue, her phone beeped, announcing a text message, and she picked it up from her desk. Decklan’s name showed above the message.
Shift change this weekend. Working. Not free till Sunday.
Her stomach twisted with disappointment. Though she’d just seen him this past weekend, every pore in her body missed him. Craved him.
Her phone beeped again.
I’ll try to get off Monday so we have two days. Can you swing it?
When she didn’t answer right away, her phone went off once more. I’ll show you a good time.
“That was Decklan, wasn’t it?” Brad asked.
She met his gaze and nodded.
“You’ve seen him every weekend this past month. It’s become serious.”
Again, she nodded. “Brad, I have to tell him about our situation. I don’t want to keep any more secrets. I hope or at least I think he’ll understand.”
She swallowed over the lump of fear in her throat. The fear that he’d reject her. It was so ingrained to think the people in her life would find her lacking or turn on her in some way.
Speaking of, she glanced at her best friend, whose brows were furrowed in thought. “Brad? Say something.” She didn’t want to lose her best friend either.
“I get it. Of course I do.” He glanced toward the window, his expression sad. “Keith hasn’t been happy with me or our situation.”
“I’m sorry.”
He shrugged. “Things were so simple at the beginning. And we were so happy. We met at a political rally, remember? I went undercover because it was a liberal, pro-gay marriage gathering and the senator’s son couldn’t be caught there.”
She laughed. “I remember the baseball cap and the dark glasses. And that awful beard. Not your best look.” She shook her head, unable to stop grinning at the memory.
“Yeah, well, Keith thought it was pretty funny too. One look at the guy, one conversation, and I knew what he made me feel … was different.”
She blew out a breath. “I get that. What Decklan and I have is different too. Intense. Important.” He looked at her like no one else existed or mattered. “But I won’t sacrifice you. Not even for a guarantee of happily ever after.” Not that Decklan was offering that. Not that she knew what he wanted. She never allowed him to say. She’d been too afraid. “I just need to put all my cards on the table. We can figure it all out afterwards.”
Brad placed a hand over hers. “I’m proud of you. And I need to think about doing the same thing. I know that in here.” He pointed to his heart. “I’m just so afraid of screwing up all my father worked for.”
“I understand. I don’t want to be the one to do that either. But I do trust Decklan with our truth.” Even if he didn’t like what he learned, he wouldn’t reveal it to anyone.
Brad pulled her into a hug. “And I trust you. You’re right. We’ll figure it out.”
She squeezed him tight before stepping back. “You’ve always been there for me, the wall between me and any relationship.”
Because after that humiliating mess with losing her virginity, she’d gone off to college. Met Brad. And let him be her buffer.
“If I liked someone, I wouldn’t invest myself, and I’d say it was because you needed me and I would never do anything to hurt you. And I wouldn’t. But Decklan pushed through my walls, and I realize now … I used you as an excuse not to put myself out there.”
He inclined his head. “And sex in a BDSM club did the same thing. I’m almost sorry I suggested that to you. It kept you from reaching for more.”
She shook her head, knowing for sure that the club had done wonders for her self-esteem. “That freed me. I needed the protection the rules provided me.” And she loved the ability to get out of her own head for a while.
But Decklan was real. He was a man who’d cracked her shell and brought her to life and gave her the rules and protection when she needed it.
Another beep from her cell. She glanced down.