Can't Let Go - By Michelle Brewer Page 0,55

know, you may come to enjoy it.” The memory of Logan’s claim that Eric didn’t know Abby fluttered into her mind. Would he ever understand that Abby didn’t want that lifestyle? That she was more at home in some chaotic environment than she was sitting around and idly passing time? “At least wait until after the wedding. If you do find another job, who’s to say they’ll give you the time off once the wedding gets here?”

She sighed, nodding quietly as she took a bite of food.

This was her choice.

Chapter Ten

Time went on. Abby created a new routine—nearly the complete opposite of what she had grown used to prior to her friends’ deaths. There was no Rumor. There was no Hayley. It was an empty routine, composed of various meaningless interactions.

Many times a day, she found her thoughts turning to Logan, despite her attempts to separate him from her life. She wondered where he was and what he was doing. She wondered if he felt the same emptiness inside him that she felt inside her, growing deeper and deeper on a daily basis.

A small part of her wished him to be just as unhappy as she was—but she knew it was only a selfish desire. She really did want him to find happiness, whatever it took. If it was a new love he required, she hoped he would find it. He deserved that much.

She wondered, if he did find someone new, would he be happy? Would he be able to forget how strong their connection had been?

Or would he feel the same as she did, knowing her relationship was nothing more than a lifeless shell in comparison to what they’d had?

Her thoughts would often shift to her own future at this point, and she would contemplate her own impending happiness, attempting to convince herself that she could have it with Eric. He was a good man—he could give his wife a life to be dreamed about. A nice house, a comfortable living, luxurious vacations…

Anything but a family, anyway.

Because, even if he said that someday he wanted one, she knew he was lying. He was only trying to placate her. Only trying to give her something to hold on to, something to hope for. It wasn’t his fault, really. She knew what she was getting herself into, and she was going along with it.

Something inside her was convinced that, if Logan wasn’t going to be in her life, then it wouldn’t be such a disappointment not to have a family either. Whenever she closed her eyes and pictured her future children, there wasn’t a single one that didn’t have his dark disheveled hair or his intense gray eyes. She imagined little boys with his devilish grin and little girls with his perfect smile.

Being with Logan had reminded her of everything that she had once hoped for. And without him, she felt as if her dreams had gone too. The future was something not to look forward to, but to simply survive.

Whenever she began to think like this, she would scold herself. She had gone through the same thing the first time she and Logan had broken up. She knew exactly what it was that she suffered from—she’d dealt with it before, she could do it again. Getting over a broken heart had been difficult, but it hadn’t been impossible.

Of course, it had helped to have Hayley. Hayley, who had routinely called and forced Abby out of bed. Who had, day after day, encouraged Abby to breathe.

And now she had no one. Sure, she had other friends—but none who had known her as well as Hayley, Blake, or Logan.

She had asked one of her bridesmaids to be her maid of honor. Jenny had grown up with she and Hayley, as had most of the girls in the wedding. They had never been all that close, but Jenny had been the only one not to turn her back on Hayley after she’d married Blake. That was enough for Abby.

The months had passed, the wedding quickly approaching. Abby found herself concentrating more and more on the details so as to distract herself from the reality surrounding her. It was almost torturous, she thought, having so much free time to try and waste away. So much time to sit and think, to ponder the possibilities, to imagine different realities. No matter how many trips to the caterers and dress fittings she scheduled, there was never enough to do.

Abby sighed heavily as she stood in front