Calculated Risk (Triumph Over Adversity #1) - Lynn Shannon Page 0,37
we could talk about what happened between us. Last night, when you said that we could never have a relationship, even though you wished it could be otherwise…” She lifted her gaze to meet his. “What did you mean by that?”
Jason sighed and joined her on the porch swing. He gently pushed them back and forth. “It’s complicated. In order for you to understand, I have to tell you the whole story about what happened to me in Afghanistan.”
“I want to hear it.” She bit her lip. “But if you’d rather not talk about it now, that’s okay. I didn’t realize—”
“No, I’m glad you asked. I’ve been thinking about how to bring it up for most of the morning.”
Addison reached across and took his hand. She interlocked their fingers. “Then tell me.”
“In Afghanistan, Connor and I were clearing the outside of a building with several other members of my team. Something caught Marcus’s eye…” He glanced at her. “You remember I told you about Marcus?”
She nodded, recalling the beautiful painting in his house of the little girl and the soldier. Maddy was the child’s name. She was Jason’s goddaughter. “Marcus is Maddy’s biological father. The one she’d never met.”
“Yes. Anyway, something caught his eye. I never learned what. Marcus and the others ran down the street.” His gaze drifted off, seeing something Addison couldn’t. “A car bomb detonated. All of them were killed. Connor and I were the only ones to survive.”
The pain in Jason’s voice crushed her. Addison bit the inside of her cheek to keep her eyes from filling with tears. “I can’t imagine what that must’ve been like for you.”
“Life-altering. The bombing changed me, Addy. I’m not…normal. I have nightmares so real, I wake up screaming. I’m plagued with anxiety. Therapy has helped me control it, but the occasional flashback will catch me off guard.”
Addison kept quiet, sensing that he had more to say. The chain securing the porch swing creaked with the back-and-forth movements.
“Each year, when the anniversary of the bombing comes around, I check out from life. I head to a cabin in the woods and live there for two weeks.” Connor nudged his master, as if sensing his emotions, and Jason petted him. “It’s my way of coping. Or maybe grieving. I don’t know.”
She squeezed his hand. “Sometimes we need to get away from everything in order to hear God better. Does going to the cabin help?”
“Help is relative. It doesn’t make the loss or the memories go away, but you’re right, it does give me time to pray and think.” He turned to face her. “The thing is, Addy, my PTSD isn’t a short-term thing. I may have it the rest of my life. You deserve to know that.”
She studied his face, the hard lines and sharp edges. The scars coursing down his cheek. “Are you afraid I’ll see you differently?”
“Yes, but it’s more than that.” He blew out a long breath. “Here’s the deal. A lot of my military friends had wives or girlfriends when they went overseas. Then they came back, changed men. It was hard on their loved ones. Living with PTSD full-time is rough on everyone. Some of my buddies…their relationships didn’t survive.”
Addison let his words sink in and understanding dawned. He was scared. Afraid she would change her mind after starting a relationship with him.
A swell of emotions battled inside her. She took a moment to gather her thoughts. It was important to get this right. “Jason—”
Her cell phone thrilled. Addison wanted to ignore it so they could continue the conversation, but the threats against her had to take precedence. It could be Trevor or Chief Walters calling with an update. Or even Chloe, nervous about the trial this afternoon.
“I’m sorry.” She removed the phone from her suit jacket, glancing at the screen. “It’s Rachel. I should answer because this could be about the trial.” Addison raised a finger. “But the conversation between us isn’t over, just postponed.”
Jason hesitated and then nodded.
Addison answered. “Hey, Rach, everything okay? Have you had a problem reaching Chloe this morning?”
“No, no. Chloe’s fine. She’s ready for court this afternoon.” Rachel took a deep breath. “Actually, I’m calling about you. More specifically, the threats against you.”
Addison punched the speaker button on her phone. “Rachel, just so you know, I’m here with Jason. He can hear you. Go ahead.”
“I asked building security guards about Wendall this morning like we discussed,” Rachel said. “I showed them his picture. No one recognized him, but several said