And she should feel sort of stupid talking to herself. Yet she didn't. While she couldn't see anyone here, she felt them.
"Can you ... like, help me out here?" She waited. She listened with her ears. With her heart.
No answer echoed back, not in her mind, her ears, or her heart. Unless you considered the sensation of calm and rightness that made her chest feel lighter, her problem less urgent, and her ability to deal with everything almost manageable.
Was this the answer? That everything was going to be okay? Or was this like Holiday's and Derek's touch-just a quick fix to the emotional havoc living and breathing inside her? Doubt tried to sweep away the calm.
She dropped down on the uneven earth beneath her, a mix of rock and moist dirt, and rested her palms behind her for support. Tilting her head back, she felt her damp hair sway slightly and tickle her back through her nightshirt. Low on her back. Lower than ever before. Sitting up again, she reached back to touch the ends of her hair. Her hair, like her boobs, must have undergone a growth spurt. What did all this mean?
Trying to embrace the soothing emotion this place produced, she stared at the wall of water not five feet from her and felt the tiny droplets moisten her skin. Don't worry, dear. Life is gonna be okay. One foot in front of the other. She heard her grandmother's words echo in her mind.
"You really here, Nana? Or am I just remembering?" She posed the questions aloud.
The lack of cold told her she was alone. A tiny part of her wanted to rebel, to demand an answer, not just to her ghost's problem but to all her issues. Just as she was about to open her mouth, a bit of wisdom seemed to wiggle through the frustration. This, whatever "this" was making the falls feel special, wasn't open to demands or rebellion. In addition to the calm, Kylie sensed a power.
Not evil, but firm.
Not uncaring, but unyielding.
Unyielding enough to set a girl aflame and scar her for life? Kylie didn't know that answer, and for her own sanity she wasn't sure she wanted to know.
Then, realizing she was probably pushing Della's and Miranda's limit for waiting, she stood up. When she did, she felt the folded envelope in her pocket. Lucas's letter. Another thing she'd have to deal with soon. And while none of her issues had changed, she did somehow feel more confident about handling them. And maybe, Kylie thought, that was as much help as she was going to get.
The morning passed in a mind-numbing haze. Either due to her lack of sleep or the residuals from her growth spurt, Kylie wasn't sure. She dropped her lunch tray down beside Della and gave the dining hall a quick search for Derek.
His before-lunch group often got caught up in hiking and missed the meal. As her gaze swept the other side of the dining hall she realized how much she wanted to see him.
And how much she didn't want to see him.
God, she was so wishy-washy. If she was having a hard time dealing with her back-and-forth emotions, she could only wonder how Derek felt.
He probably thought she was a few French fries short of a Happy Meal.
And he'd be right, wouldn't he?
Without a doubt, the calm and confidence she'd gotten from this morning's trip to the falls was beginning to wane. When another visual sweep around the room didn't find Derek, she dropped in a chair and focused on Della, who sat there sipping her blood with very little interest. Then Kylie noted the empty seat next to Della.
"Where's Miranda?" Kylie asked.
"Don't know," Della muttered, and turned her glass in her hand.
Kylie tried not to stare at the blood in the glass for fear she'd recall how good it tasted. Instead, she picked up her ham sandwich and took a big bite. "You okay?" Kylie shifted the lump of bread in her mouth so she could speak.
"Yeah. Just mulling things over," Della said.
"About going home in three weeks?"
"Actually, I wasn't worrying about that, but now that you reminded me, I can add that to my worry agenda. Thanks." Sarcasm laced Della's voice.
"Sorry." Kylie stared at the sandwich with disinterest. "So what are you worrying about?"
"Just stuff," Della snapped.
"Ooookay," Kylie said, letting Della know her mood wasn't appreciated.
Hey, Kylie got the whole vampire bad attitude, but at times- "Sorry," Della said. "It's just that talk of death angels this morning got me worrying about ... things."
"You mean about the time when you turned and can't remember the details."