Buried in Secrets (Carly Moore #4) - Denise Grover Swank Page 0,114

was pressured into it, and if the truth comes out, it might help her get a reduced sentence.”

He released a sharp bark of a laugh. “My dad will never let you tell anyone.”

“Why not?”

He started to say something, then stopped.

“Why won’t your dad help your mom?” I pressed.

“Because.” He glanced down at his feet and licked his bottom lip. Then he lifted his gaze to mine, his eyes shiny with tears. “Because my dad will never admit that his son is gay.”

I wasn’t sure what to say, but he looked at me expectantly, so I asked, “Are you gay, Thad?”

“Maybe?” He shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“There’s no shame in being gay,” I assured him. “I don’t know if Jim told you it was a sin—”

Thad burst out laughing.

I stared at him in confusion. “I know he was a youth leader. So if you talked to him about—”

He started laughing harder, but then it turned to sobs.

I climbed up the porch stairs and wrapped my arm around his back, then led him down to sit on the top step. He rested his forearms on his thighs and leaned forward, his body shaking with sobs.

“It’s my fault she’s in jail,” he wailed. “It’s all my fault.”

“No, Thad,” I said, rubbing his back lightly. “Your mother is a grown woman. She did this on her own. It’s not your fault.”

He continued to cry. “I should have died in that wreck. We were supposed to die.”

I gasped and leaned forward to study his face. Did he just tell me that he and Spencer had tried to kill themselves? “Thad, did you and Spencer…” I stopped and started again. Better to work our way up to it. “Is Spencer gay too?”

He hesitated, then nodded, breaking into a fresh round of wails.

“There’s nothing wrong with being gay, Thad.”

His tear-streaked face lifted, and he shot me a glare. “Do you know anyone else around here who is gay?”

Now that he mentioned it, I didn’t. Not openly, anyway.

“Yeah,” he said in disgust before I could respond. “That’s because no one comes out around here. We’re supposed to be men, and being a man means fuckin’ women.” His glare made me think that he was trying to shock me again.

“Maybe around here,” I said. “But not in a large part of the country. When you’re older, you can leave and be true to yourself.” This wasn’t coming out right. “Screw that. You can be true to yourself now.”

“And be called fag and queer at school?” he scoffed. “No thanks.”

“And what about at home? Does your dad know?”

He didn’t answer.

“Your mom knows, doesn’t she? You said she tried to protect you.”

Tears welled in his eyes and he nodded.

“Did she protect you from your dad?”

“She tried.”

“Why did she kill Jim Palmer?”

“She found out.”

“That you were gay?”

Except…why would she kill him over that?

And then it hit me.

Jim hadn’t taken advantage of Ashlynn. He’d taken advantage of Thad. We’d gotten nearly everything wrong, from the very beginning.

“Thad,” I said slowly, “you said you and Spencer were supposed to die in your accident. Did you two intend to kill yourselves?”

He was quiet for a moment before nodding.

“Does anyone know?”

His chin quivered as more tears fell down his cheeks. “Mom. I told her in the hospital, but Spencer didn’t tell anyone. Mom said we needed to keep it a secret. I tried to tell her I was gay, but she wouldn’t let me finish. A few days later, she told me that Jim Palmer was going to talk to me. To help me work through my issues. But we had to keep it a secret. Especially from my dad.” Disgust twisted his lips. “He doesn’t believe in talkin’ about our feelin’s.”

They’d kept it a secret, which likely explained why Selena didn’t know. “What did your mom tell him?”

“Just that I’d tried to hurt myself. That was all. But after we started talking, he kept pressing me to tell him why I did it. I didn’t want to tell him, but after a few sessions, he guessed.” He swallowed. “He told me that he could help me make my feelings for men go away. That he could help them run their course.”

My chest felt like it was splitting in two. “Oh, Thad,” I choked out.

“I told Mom that I didn’t want to see him anymore, but Jim told her I wasn’t fixed yet. And I couldn’t tell her what he was doin’. But then three weeks ago, instead of waiting for me out in the parking lot,