shrugging. “Had to do something to pass the time up north.”
Cal sips more politely and wipes the foam from his lips. “How was it?”
The Paradise Valley beckons, even now. The empty wilderness, the mountains, the quiet of falling snow beneath a full moon. It is a good place to forget yourself, to be lost. But I can’t do that anymore. “It was good for me. I needed . . .” I bite my lip. “I needed to be away.”
He furrows his brow, watching every tick of my face. “And how are you?”
“Better.” Not perfect. Not whole. I’ll never be whole again. His eyes darken, and I know he sees that in me. He feels it in himself. “I still don’t sleep properly.”
“Neither do I,” he replies quickly, forcing another sip of beer. I remember his nightmares, some quiet, some thrashing. About his father dying at his own hand. I still can’t imagine what that must feel like. And now I bet he dreams about Maven. The body he found, my wound in his belly. I dream about him too.
“I try not to think about him,” I whisper, wrapping my arms around myself. A sudden chill blows over me. From Cal or the mountain, I can’t say. “It doesn’t work.”
Another gulp of his drink. He breaks first, looking away from me, his gaze like embers. “I know.” After a long moment, his eyes sweep back to me. The sorrow clears from his face. “So what’s next?”
I’m not sure what he’s asking, so I answer the easiest interpretation of the question.
“Proper resettlement. Gisa is supervising a move from the palace to a town house of our own, up the slope.” I point over his shoulder, gesturing in the general direction of our new home. “She said it has a beautiful view, and I guess it’s close to where we electricons can train.”
One side of his mouth draws up in a grin. “I figured that storm up the mountain wasn’t natural.”
I return the smile and gesture to my ragged appearance, sweat and all. “In case you couldn’t tell.”
“You look beautiful. You always do.” He says it so nonchalantly, then takes another sip of his drink without blinking or breaking his gaze.
Cold air whistles past my teeth as I suck in a breath, a last gasp before the plunge. My grip tightens on the glass in my hand, until I’m afraid it might shatter. “You saw me last night,” I whisper, my voice almost lost in the tavern.
An emotion I can’t name shadows his face. “Yeah.”
I hoped for some clue in his voice or expression, but I’m left to stumble in the dark for understanding. “Why didn’t you say anything?” I ask, trying not to sound desperate. I can’t tell if it works.
He forces his trademark grin, lopsided and easy. “You wanted me to wake up half the palace, including your dad?”
“That’s not why.” At least I know how to see through his charm by now.
A blush blooms over his cheeks. I unsettle him as much as he unsettles me. Frowning, he takes another drink of his beer. A long one, as if he can just wait me out. Fat chance, Calore.
I don’t waver, staring until he can’t avoid the question anymore.
“I figured you needed every second you could get,” he admits, biting out the words. As if there is shame in them. “I didn’t want to rush you.”
His warmth ripples over me, tentative and searching. “Into what?”
“Into making up your mind, Mare,” Cal huffs, throwing up one hand in exasperation. Like this is the most obvious thing in the world.
I swallow around the tightness in my throat, biting my lip. He notes every movement in me, watching my face like a battlefield. Looking for an advantage, looking for opportunity. “I did a lot of thinking up at Paradise,” I say. I feel like I’m balancing on a cliff, ready to tip in either direction, with no idea how far the drop might be.
He didn’t say a word. I won’t ask you to wait for me. The thoughts are haunting.
“I would certainly hope so,” he says, laughing darkly. He even shakes his head, then takes another gulp. His frustration doesn’t last long, quickly melting into apprehension. I shiver as his eyes dart over me, his lips parted. “And?” he adds quietly, as if holding his breath.
“And I don’t know. I still don’t know.” Before he can react, my head bows and I look at my hands twisting in my lap. If anyone at the