Broken by the Horde King (Horde Kings of Dakkar #4) - Zoey Draven Page 0,89

knew that.”

“You were everything that was good in my life, seffi,” he told me. “Vok, when I was in Dothik, I ached to see you again because you made me feel. I didn’t want to destroy that, destroy you in the process. Because I might have.”

The tears blurred my vision. I couldn’t believe what he was telling me. So many things that had been kept hidden, secrets that I would have never known about.

“And Dothik,” he whispered, his eyes looking dazed again. “Vokking Dothik. That place ate at me. It made me…cold. It made it easier to detach. Made it easier to forget.”

I had known that. Every time Kiran returned to the saruk, he was changed. Hardened. But that cold exterior had always softened for me. That was why I’d been so certain he’d begun to return my feelings.

And from what he was saying…it was possible he had. But then he’d pushed me away.

“And that night?” I asked, my voice ragged. “That night on the cliff after the feast? The last night I saw you?”

One of his hands came up to cup my jaw, spreading wide. His thumb brushed the thumping flesh of my throat, right over my fluttering heartbeat.

“I always told you that you were young, Maeva. But truthfully, it was me that wasn’t prepared for what would come. I was on the cusp of something more. My time as Vorakkar hadn’t even begun yet. I wasn’t…”

He trailed off, a deep sigh escaping him.

“I wasn’t thinking of anyone but myself,” he confessed. “I was scared to take to the wild lands. I didn’t tell a soul that, not even you. I doubted my ability to lead a horde. I doubted everything. The last thing I was thinking about was taking a Morakkari, Maeva. Not then.”

I swallowed. I could remember the hopeful, delighted girl I’d been before that night. The dizzying belief that Kiran would make me his wife. Because I’d been the only one he’d asked to join his horde, after all.

“But if I could change it, I would,” he told me. And I heard the truth in his voice. “I think about that night all the time. And if I could change it, I would have claimed you on that cliffside and stolen you away to my horde before you could change your mind about me.”

All the breath whistled out from my lungs.

“You think I would’ve changed my mind?” I asked in disbelief. “When I had loved you for over twelve years?”

The corner of his mouth lifted as his heat pulsed into me. When he shifted closer, I felt the press of his cock against my belly and I was astonished how hot he was. His cock felt like a sizzling brand against my flesh.

“Undoubtedly,” he murmured gently. “You would’ve realized eventually that I wasn’t good enough for you. That I didn’t deserve you or your vokking beautiful smiles or the way you looked at me when we ran the coast together.”

Everything crumbled around me. Every belief that I had had in the last nine years had all but disintegrated in the course of two nights.

I didn’t know what to believe anymore.

“I can’t change what happened between us that night,” he said, his voice dropping low again. Gruff. “But I’m not that male anymore, Maeva. I’m not afraid anymore. I might not be worthy of your love, seffi—truthfully, I might not ever be—but I can promise that I am the best male for you in this entire universe. And I will prove it to you.”

I had to remind myself to breathe.

I didn’t know what he was asking. Or if he was even asking anything. I didn’t know what the vok was happening right now.

“It’s been a long time,” I whispered. “I don’t love you anymore, Kiran. Not the way I used to. I don’t think I’m capable of it anymore.”

If I expected my words to deter him, I should’ve known better. This was Kiran of Rath Okkili, after all.

His dark grin made my stomach flip and my skin tingle.

“That’s a lie, seffi,” he murmured. “You’ve just buried it so deep you’ve forgotten it. But I promised I’d make you remember, didn’t I?”

“Is that why you came back?” I asked, the strange, sudden thought shifting something into place. Perfectly. “Is this why you came back? After all this time? Why now?”

It seemed ludicrous. Ridiculous.

A strange expression went over his face. He said, “Because for nine years, when I lay in my bed, I would think of you. The years