Broken by the Horde King (Horde Kings of Dakkar #4) - Zoey Draven Page 0,64

the ground between us. A rolled piece of parchment, tied neatly with gold string.

When I scooped it up, I realized it was her message for the mokkira of Rath Tuviri’s horde, the horde I would be sending the messenger to tomorrow morning.

When I straightened and looked at her, she met my gaze steadily, her chin lifting. She wiped the rage off her features, though traces of it lingered in her pressed lips and hardened eyes.

“I’m not ashamed that I loved you, Kiran.”

I froze, the world seeming to quiet around us.

Maeva continued, “I know you think that love was silly and foolish.”

I frowned. “Nik, Maeva, I—”

“But I’m not ashamed of it. Because I loved you as best as I could. And as young as I was…what I felt for you was still pure. My mother told me that. That I should be proud that my heart had been open enough to love you like that, without fear.”

Words bubbled up on my tongue, words that I couldn’t form.

“But I am ashamed that I wasted so much time loving you,” she said. My chest tightened, a dull, throbbing, familiar ache spreading. “So much of my life.”

I would be the first to tell anyone that I’d never deserved her love. I knew that. It was why I had pushed her away so much towards the end of it all.

“The last thing I ever wanted was to hurt you,” I said quietly, the lines of my face drawn, the cut on my thigh beginning to throb.

“I know. I believe that,” she whispered. “But you did it anyways, Kiran. And you made it hurt so much worse.”

I flinched, another aching pain threading through my chest.

“Please make sure that gets delivered,” she said, nodding to the scroll clenched in my fist. “It’s important to me.”

She turned away but then paused.

“I meant what I said, Kiran,” she murmured, her back to me. “It’s best if we try to forget. Everything. That’s the only way this will work.”

Then she strode away, her words souring my belly.

“Maeva,” I called, my voice guttural. “Maeva!”

She didn’t stop. She continued on her way, ignoring my calls.

I tilted my head back to the sky and blew out a long breath.

“Vok.”

Chapter Twenty-Two

“Are you all right, mokkira?” Hinna asked softly. “You have been so quiet today.”

“I’m usually quiet,” I noted, giving her a small smile as I sat perched on the edge of my bed. That hadn’t always been the case, however. When I was younger, Laru and my mother had often joked that I could carry on a conversation with myself for days if given the opportunity.

“Perhaps,” Hinna said, frowning as she brushed through my hair, trying to make the curls submit. “But you seem more quiet today. I couldn’t help but notice. Even your apprentice mentioned something to me.”

They had been speaking of me? Though, I strongly suspected that Essir would take any opportunity he was presented to speak with Hinna in private, including to gossip about me.

I blew out a breath. This was all Kiran’s fault. Of course.

“I’m fine,” I assured her, making an effort to lighten my expression. “I think I’m just nervous about the feast.”

Not a complete lie, though I’d been to more Dakkari feasts in my lifetime than I could count. But this was my first feast at the horde. I wanted to make a good impression on the beings that I would come to know well during my time here.

And naturally, my mood was soured. Had been soured since this morning. And I didn’t know how to feel about it, didn’t know how to process all the ugly emotions our conversation had brought to the forefront.

But this is the process, isn’t it? I pondered.

Like a broken bone. If it didn’t heal properly the first time, it had to be broken again.

Well, Kiran had broken me. Then I had broken me. And I hadn’t healed properly, from either of those times.

Being at the horde, being so near to Kiran…it felt like I was breaking myself all over again, deconstructing myself into my baser parts.

Breaking that bone…well, it wasn’t meant to be pleasant. It had to hurt. It had to dredge everything up that had been festering inside me for so long.

Looking down in my lap, I queried hesitantly, “Can I ask you something, Hinna?”

“Of course,” came her instant reply.

I played with the light material of the dress that Hinna had brought me earlier to wear. A beautiful shade of light purple. The color of Drukkar’s Sea in the early morning,