Broken by the Horde King (Horde Kings of Dakkar #4) - Zoey Draven Page 0,144
myself and my own well-being, I missed Kiran with a stinging acuteness that surprised me.
I couldn’t help but wonder if he’d returned to the horde safely. I couldn’t help but wonder what he’d encountered in the east lands, if he’d seen this mysterious—and possibly dangerous—red fog that covered the land. If he had, I prayed to Kakkari that he’d kept far away, that he was safe and protected.
Now, as Laru and I quietly sat in the common room of the voliki—where we had often taken our meals in the evening and relaxed when we were younger—I was praying again to Kakkari that Kiran was all right. And I hoped that he’d be able to forgive me once he found me gone from the horde upon his return, if he hadn’t returned already.
“You’re thinking about him again,” Laru commented softly.
The doorway to my pattar’s room was open and I could hear his gentle snores as he slept. It was the first time all day I’d allowed myself to sit.
I straightened on my cushion, peering across the space to Laru. Rasik was sleeping, with his head on her swollen belly, and she was stroking his hair. He’d fallen asleep trying to listen for his sibling, who he was convinced was a sister.
I swallowed and pushed back a strand of hair that had escaped my braid. I was tired. I felt like I could sleep for a week after this.
“You love him. Again,” she whispered. “Don’t you?”
Laru and I hadn’t talked about Kiran. But she was my sister. Even with the distraction and the stress of my father’s recovery, I could sometimes feel her watching me, as if she knew something was different, as if she could see it written across me, invisible to me but never to her.
She’d always been able to see me best. Sometimes even better than Lomma had been able to.
I licked my lips, staring into the fire basin when it crackled. In my lap was a plate of food I hadn’t been able to eat. It was cold now, a waste of Laru’s cooking. But the stench of my father’s wound wouldn’t leave my nostrils, though the injury was now draining clear. I hadn’t been able to eat much since I’d arrived.
Quietly, I said, “He wants me to be his Morakkari.”
Laru’s sharp gasp almost roused Rasik but she held her breath until he settled once more.
Her eyes burned into me. The longer I looked at her, meeting her gaze steadily, the more her expression changed…morphing into understanding. And perhaps…sadness.
“And you will accept him,” she said quietly. “You will leave the saruk again. And then you will be gone. Gone from us. Lost to the wild lands with your horde king.”
I thought back to the dawn of Addie’s birth. I recalled that feeling of knowing. Of purpose. I had never been more certain of my decision. It had flowed from me, freeing and bright.
But of course, with that decision came pain. Because I couldn’t have the saruk and Kiran. He was a horde king of Dakkar. It was his duty to help protect it. It was his duty to travel across the wild lands, to patrol for threats and to uphold the ancient laws of Kakkari.
I would never expect him to give up his title, his own destined purpose, to resettle in his father’s saruk simply because I missed my family. It would kill him. And I knew that my pattar would never join Kiran’s horde because it would mean being taken from my mother’s burial place, which he visited almost daily.
My father would feel like he was leaving my lomma behind. And he’d remained loyal to her all these years, waiting for the day when he would join her, wherever she was.
I heard Laru sigh, a deep aching thing. Then I saw her smile. It was soft and knowing.
“It has always been him,” she said, nodding. “It was always going to be him, Maeva. Wasn’t it? You’ve known since you were a child. You were always so certain.”
I bit my lip, feeling my throat tighten.
“Not always,” I felt the need to remind her.
She shook her head. “Lomma knew. And she was right.”
My brow furrowed, my gaze sharpening on her. “What do you mean?”
“It was before she died,” Laru murmured, stroking the entirety of Rasik’s back, picking something off that clung to his flickering tail. “She told me that you would never be truly happy again unless he was by your side.”