I’m doing either. I’ve never held a baby, never even been near a baby, and children freak me out too. This is why I can’t blame him or hate him for his admission.
“Caleb was great with kids from what I can recall,” he says and my heart plummets. “Always smiling, always happy and playful. The kids flocked to him.” His hand comes up to cup my cheek and his thumb presses against the corner of my mouth. “So I’m guessing the key is to be happy and smiling whenever in the presence of a tiny person.”
Gulp. “I don’t think that applies to new-borns.”
His thumb lingers for a moment before his hand falls away. “We’ll figure it out.” We? “There aren’t many places nearby that sell furniture suitable for an infant. I’ll take you into the city next week.”
“Nursery equipment is really expensive, Nathan,” I say quietly.
“I have money. Besides, when I get my hands on Caleb’s trust fund you can pay me back.” He winks and my heart flutters with glee.
“How are you going to do that?”
He smiles wickedly. “I’m taking my father to court.”
My mouth drops open. “Just for Caleb’s trust fund?”
“Yes and my own, they’re what our grandfather left us, not what my father gave us. The only reason he could touch them is because we were stupid enough to keep them in their original accounts. My dad had been placed on both accounts to oversee them before we became of age. I never thought he’d do something so callous.” He steps over to the small desk where he usually leaves his keys and opens a small drawer beneath it. I watch as he flicks through a bunch of envelopes before finding the right one and tucking it into his pocket. “It’s not a large amount; it’s more the principle than anything.”
“Wow.” I’m not sure what to say. “So, this house used to be your grandfather’s?” He nods in response. “Why’d he leave it to you and not Caleb?”
“Guilt,” he says, his tone deep and dangerous.
“Guilt?”
“Yes.”
I wait for him to explain but he doesn’t. “Okay. Do you... umm… want to do something?”
He looks regretful for a moment. “I actually have to go to the city to deal with a few things.”
“Oh, okay.” I take a step away from the door. “Well, drive safely.”
“Aren’t you going to ask me how long I’ll be gone?” He looks surprised for a moment but his blank mask quickly falls into place.
“You told me to respect your privacy,” I respond and twirl a lock of my hair around my finger. “Have a good trip.”
He thanks me and reaches for the door but stops before his hand touches the handle. “I’ll be back late this evening.”
“I’ll leave your dinner in the oven.”
His eyes burn into mine with an emotion I can’t read and don’t care to explore further. “Thank you.”
I start to make my way to the stairs when he calls out my name. I wince and glance back over my shoulder at him. What does he want now? Light brown eyes linger on me for what seems to be a long time. “You have twigs in your hair.”
My mouth drops open as my hands frantically feel my head for said twigs. When I manage to find the last one and pull it loose, Nathan has already gone.
He couldn’t have told me that when he was stood right in front of me? Or maybe that’s why he was stood so close. Maybe he was going to pull them out himself.
Nah.
I race up to my room and immediately take the picture of Caleb from my pocket. Taking a sticker from an old label, I rip it in half and stick that part over his nude area. I want to see his face, the rest I don’t mind missing out on.
He looks miserable and it hurts my heart. Parents can be bastards. My mum has naked pictures of me and I used to scream at her when she got them out to show my friends. He also looks adorable. His almost chocolate irises are shining so brightly considering this picture is most likely an old Polaroid.
“I miss you, baby,” I say softly and touch his chubby cheek. “I wonder if Caleb junior will look like you. Is it wrong that I want him to, almost as much as I don’t? I don’t know what will hurt worse, if he does or he doesn’t. If he does, I’ll be constantly reminded of what we’ve both lost. If