It’s disgusting. Nathan isn’t a failure. He’s talented and smart and he can actually be quite funny at times.
******
“Whatever it is, it’s none of your business,” Jeanine says softly, her hand cupping mine over the table. My free hand nurses my coffee close to my chest. “You’ve been mulling over whatever is on your mind for far too long. It isn’t your business and it isn’t mine.”
“I know.”
“Do you? Nathan is a complex man. There are secrets in the Weston house that even I dread to think about. If you want to help him, just be there for him.”
I nod quickly and chew on my lip. “I don’t think I like it here anymore.”
“Did you ever?” She seems to be joking but I can tell it’s to soften the tone of her sincerity.
I nod again. “Yes. Nathan is actually a joy to be around sometimes.”
“He’s no Caleb,” she comments, causing me to wince. “He’ll never be Caleb.”
“I know.” Why do people assume I don’t know this? “I don’t want him to be Caleb. Caleb doesn’t even enter my mind when I’m with Nathan.” Oh shit. Wrong choice of words. “I mean… he does but not in a comparison type of way… you know what I mean, Jeanine.”
She smiles, showing sparkly white dentures. “Yes. I do.” Her body tilts closer as her eyes scan the people around us. “Don’t try and figure it out.”
“Figure what out?”
“Why Caleb was loved and Nathan wasn’t. It…” She sighs heavily and leans back. “Forget I said anything.”
Oh no, she can’t leave it like that. “What do you mean Caleb was loved?”
“I’ve said too much.”
“Then say something more, what’s the difference?”
Jeanine frowns, her eyes shadowing over with past memories I’m eager to know. “I signed something. If I say anything to anyone, Nathan will take pleasure in destroying me.”
“Can’t you give me even the slightest hint?”
She looks out of the window and shifts in her seat. I want to shake her, scream at her, make her tell me what I want to know. “My daughter is only a year older than Nathan, as you know. She was playing out by the old barn,” the barn that is no more than charred wood I’m assuming, “when she saw some things that… well let’s just say it took quite a bit of therapy to help her get past it.”
“What things?”
“I’m not telling you to fuel your curiosity, I’m telling you because whatever secrets Nathan has, he likes to keep them that way. The entire family is one huge riddle and trust me when I say they’re a riddle you don’t want to solve. Nathan and Caleb are and were good men. He’ll look after you. That’s all you need to know. Other than that… don’t get involved.” Her stern tone is quiet, only loud enough for me to hear. What is she talking about? I need to know. “Don’t try to dig anything up, and keep out of Nathan’s way.”
“I don’t understand.”
She rubs her tired eyes and shifts again, her discomfort obvious. “You don’t need to. Just don’t get attached.”
“Why?” Not that I’m planning on it, for obvious reasons. “He won’t hurt me.” Why am I arguing this point? I don’t want to get attached in the way she’s assuming anyway.
She chuckles sadly, her eyes still gazing out of the window. “That’s not what I’m worried about, sweetie. I’m worried you’ll hurt him.”
My breath leaves me. Jeanine stands, thanks me for the coffee and exits the café with her head bowed. I mull over her words again and again until I no longer remember the exact conversation. Only her parting words stick in my mind.
How could I hurt him? Nathan is… he seems impenetrable. He’s his own fortress and nothing seems to affect him. I’d never hurt him intentionally. I’ve been clear about my feelings from the start. I think.
Although he is insistent that we’ll be more than friends.
Maybe he’s just toying with me, testing my loyalty to his brother. Do I even have any loyalty to Caleb anymore? It sure doesn’t feel like it. I’ve betrayed him numerous times since he died.
Chapter Twenty-One
It’s been three hours and I’ve heard nothing from Nathan. I decided twenty minutes ago that I wasn’t staying away any longer. Now I’m sitting in the car outside Nathan’s house, twisting my hands on the steering wheel and staring at the front door through the windshield.
The front door opens and Nathan stands there, motioning for me to come in. I climb out of the