Breathe You - C.R. Jane Page 0,85
out, his open palms slamming on the table.
My head is swarming with panic at the dense hostility in the room, my heart cut in two and sliced open with each brutal word they fling at each other. Where once the bonds of love and friendship ruled between them, only malice and spite breathe in them now.
I did this.
Me.
“What was your proposal?” I whisper, trying desperately to pretend that I’m not witnessing their brotherhood go up in flames.
Quaid’s eyes soften a little, but not enough to soothe my breaking heart.
“Logan is going off to Princeton in the fall, and Carter will be on his self-discovery to lord knows where. I’m going to Alabama. That’s close, Val. Close to your college in California and close to you. I should be the one who takes care of you.”
“Am I some wounded bird that needs to be taken care of? Is that how you all see me?”
“No, Princess. That’s not what I meant. I was just trying to make these guys see reason. I can give you what you need. They can’t.”
“For now. We can’t for now,” Logan retorts, sounding aggravated.
“And why should she have to wait for you two to get your shit together?” Quaid belts out.
“Because you’re not the only one she loves!”
Quaid thins his lips and crosses his arms once more over his chest at Logan’s statement.
“But she does love me, Logan. Even if that eats you up inside.”
I bite my lower lips so hard, I feel my teeth pierce through my flesh.
“So this is what you were up to while I was away, this morning, huh? Lining up my future. Making decisions for me that weren’t yours to make and destroying years of friendship as a result.”
“Our friendship was doomed the minute you moved to our street,” Carter states unrepentantly.
My shoulders begin to shake profusely at Carter’s truth—at their truth that I was too blind to see before.
“I can make my own decisions.”
“When were you ever going to make them, Val? We’ve known each other for six years, and throughout all that time, you haven’t been able to make up your mind. If we don’t do it for you, I don’t know who will.”
“That isn’t your choice to make, Carter. It’s mine!”
“Okay, then do it. Choose!”
I stare at all three of their faces and can’t. Carter’s right. I never could.
“What’s happening to us?”
“The inevitable,” Carter mutters.
My eyes start to burn, and it takes everything in me not to cry in front of them.
“I just lost the only true family I had, and now you’re asking me to split up the rest of the family that is left.”
“This is not a family, Val. It can’t be.”
“Why not? Did this weekend mean so little to all of you? Wasn’t it proof that we can love each other in ways that most people will never experience? Why isn’t it enough?”
“Because it’s wrong.”
“Who says love is wrong?!” I shout, throwing my arms in the air at Carter’s pigheadedness.
“Because it just is. This is not how we should be. You need to come to terms with that.”
I look over at a silent Logan, who still has his head bowed.
“Logan,” I plead, hoping his logical mind will see reason.
He lets out a sigh and then looks at me, his forlorn expression breaking me in two.
“All my life, I’ve had to deal with hand me downs. Clothes, toys, school material. Everything. I had to share everything with everyone. I just want one thing to be mine, Val. I want you to just be mine and not to have just a piece of you.”
“You’ve never been selfish. Why say that now?”
“I’ve always been selfish, Val,” he huffs. “Selfish of your love, and jealous of watching you give it away.”
“You don’t mean that.” I shake my head.
“I do. God help me, I do.”
Seeing that Logan won’t help me in my plight, I turn to Quaid. “You have always been my family. You of all people know how important it is to have one. Why do this, Quaid? Why tear us apart like this?”
“I’m not the one doing it. You are, Princess. You can end our suffering today. Just choose one of us, and let the others pick up the pieces and finally start fresh.”
“So if I was to pick Logan or Carter instead of you, would I be that easy for you to forget about?” I croak, emotion making it difficult to talk.
“If I had to. I love you so fucking much, Val. But I would learn to live