Breathe You - C.R. Jane Page 0,27

something much more dangerous and wanted. It’s filled with the same love I have for her. And in response, I pour all of mine into this one kiss.

I wasn’t lying when I confessed my love for her. With all my heart, I love Val. I know we are still in high school, so admitting such feelings may seem premature, and yet I know they will never change, no matter how much time passes. Val is all I want in life. She is all I’ll ever want.

The rub is that even after what we just did here today, I don’t think I will ever be enough for Valentina. No matter how much I want to deny it, her heart will always be torn into three pieces. She asked me if the poem I wrote was about her, but she didn’t say anything about the poem also being about Carter, Quaid, and I. Because at the end of the day, she knows our hearts belong to her. The only question that hasn’t been asked yet is who she belongs to most?

And like the coward that I am, I keep that burning question confined inside me, praying that none of my best friends will ever make her choose.

If they do, I fear none of us will come out victors.

Chapter 5

Now

_____________________________________

Valentina

Today is not a good day. All the energy from the past few days has melted away, and I feel the reality of my situation more than I ever have.

I’m dying.

The guys have tip-toed around me this morning, all throwing me concerned looks, and I don’t even have the energy to fake harder that everything is all right.

My head is pounding, my body feels like it weighs ten thousand pounds, and I have no appetite. But it’s our fifth day in Florence, and today’s the day we’re putting our love locks on the Ponte Vecchio and it’s not an option for me to stay in bed today. Tomorrow we’ll be off again, so we’re out of time.

It seems like I’m always running out of time on this trip.

My phone rings, and I sigh heavily when I see that it’s Dr. Channing. I know what he wants. And the answer is no. I made up my mind at that last doctor’s appointment. If the last treatment didn’t work, I was done. The risks were too high in doing anything else. The options were clear to me. Be a vegetable or die.

I would rather die.

I silence the phone and start to walk to the bathroom to try and get ready for the day.

“Who was that?” Carter asks suspiciously. “That number has been calling you quite often the last week or so.”

I’m cranky, so it’s hard not to snap at him to mind his own business. But I manage to control myself. Just barely.

“Just an old acquaintance from back home,” I respond tiredly before disappearing from the room. I don’t want to lie to them, but every day instills in me that I’m doing exactly that.

I hate myself.

Staring in the mirror, I begin my process of taking my pills and trying to use makeup to hide the fact that I’m withering away. More and more each day.

I never expected to hate myself more as this trip went on. I’ve spent every day hating myself over the last ten years, so the fact that I actually can hate myself more right now when I’ve reunited with them…it’s troubling, to say the least.

But that’s what happens. Because every step of this journey means that we’re just falling more and more in love. And you aren’t supposed to lie to the ones you love.

It’s to protect their memories of me, I think to myself feebly. It’s so we can enjoy my last days.

But even as I think those thoughts, I know that not only am I lying to them, I’m lying to myself.

“Ready to go?” Logan asks softly. He’s trying to keep the tension out of his voice, but he’s failing. He wants desperately to ask me why I look like I’m hanging on by a thread. But Logan has always done everything he can to take care of me and make me happy, so I know he won’t ask.

“Yep. Were Quaid and Carter able to find any locks?” I ask.

Logan smiles. “Evidently, there are a lot of people that have the same bucket list as you, because they sell locks in almost all the gift shops around here.”

I smile then, my first real smile of the day.

Quaid comes in