Breathe Me - C.R. Jane Page 0,82
been courageous enough to actually do it. Something always pulls me back when I even consider taking that next step and that’s because every time I’ve tried to imagine just being with one, I always feel as if I was betraying the other pieces of my heart.
Although I hate her for revealing a truth I was too love blind to see for myself, Tracy was right on one account. Sooner or later, either I’ll have to choose one, or they will make the choice for me. My heart twists profusely in my chest with the idea. How will I be able to decide which boy I want to be with, when only all three could ever make me whole? I can’t. It’s impossible.
I fall to the grass, and lean against a tree, holding my knees up to my chin, my head bowed low enough so no one can see the turmoil on my face.
Soulmates.
That’s what Dad called us once. At the time, Dad’s explanation to me meant that a soulmate was someone that just got you, like Logan, Quaid, and Carter got me. But as we’ve grown, I understand that it’s much more than that. It's a connection of minds, mutual respect, an unconditional love, and a total understanding of one another. It's about being yourself, and knowing not only that person is following and understanding your thoughts, but is right there with you, side by side.
So how can I ever turn my back on my soulmates, even if they are the ones asking me to do it? I won’t be able to.
As I sit wallowing on an impending doom that I’m not sure will even happen, I’m struck by yet another epiphany. Logan, Quaid, and Carter might be my soulmates, but they are also each other’s, too. If that horrid day should come that they ask me to make such a decision, all I have to do is remind them of that fact. We are nothing without each other. And I’ll prove it. Somehow, some way, I’ll show them that even if the world frowns at our love or doesn’t understand it, that doesn’t mean it’s any less real. Our love is the sum of four hearts, beautifully entwined and so integrally connected that to take one piece out, would ruin its perfection.
And we are perfect.
I may be young, but I know that much. No one—not even the boys who I long for and adore with every fiber in my being—will ever convince me otherwise.
I just hope never to be put in a position where they’ll feel the need to.
Chapter 17
Now
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Valentina
The suite is empty when I get back, just as I knew it would be. Unless Carter’s changed drastically from how he used to handle conflict, he'll be pacing the streets for hours, trying to avoid talking to any of us about what just happened.
I cry for at least an hour. I go through a myriad of emotions, many of them involving me deciding just to tell them the truth. I finally fade into an uneasy sleep, Carter's words echoing in my ears.
I hate taking naps. That's the first thing I think when I groggily sit up, trying to figure out what woke me up. A quick glance out the window tells me I've slept most of the day away. The sun's sitting far lower in the sky than it was when I got here, and I simply don't have that kind of time to waste.
I get up and head to the door, before stopping when I hear Quaid and Logan talking quietly with each other out in the main room. I know I shouldn't be eavesdropping, but let's be serious, this isn’t the worst of my sins. Not by a long shot.
"Do you think she's telling the truth?" Quaid mutters. "About her symptoms being the aftermath of her treatment?"
"She wouldn't lie about that," Logan says staunchly, which only makes the dread in my gut worse.
Logan's always been so sure of me, so sure of us. I can't help but feel like I'm deeply betraying him. I guess it's not just a feeling. I am betraying him.
"We don't know her anymore," says Quaid quietly. "It hit me today. She doesn't react the same to anything. She doesn't smile at the same things. She no longer has stars in her eyes. She doesn't laugh with her whole body." He sighs. "I keep looking for that girl I fell in love with so long ago, and—"
"And you feel like you're betraying