Breathe Me - C.R. Jane Page 0,79

let him go and watch him step away from me both physically and emotionally.

"Val—" Quaid begins, holding his hands up, placating me, like he thinks that I'm going to bolt at any minute as well.

"It's fine," I tell him, resigned. "It's not like I don't deserve it."

Logan brushes his hair off his sun kissed face to look me in the eye. He already looks like he's tanned just being out in the sun this morning. He looks more like a bronze god than ever.

"Do you think I should go after him?" I ask hesitantly, my gaze going back to Carter's retreating figure as my whole body trembles in anguish.

With that question still lingering in the air, Quaid stalks towards me. He grabs me suddenly and flips me over his shoulder so I'm staring at his delectable ass. My pensive state simmers with Quaid’s boyish antics, and if I’m honest, I'm especially enjoying all the grabbing he's been into today. Is it weird that I'm tempted to bite his ass as he stalks back towards the ocean? Logan is trailing after us, looking amused, a few chuckles from the people around us.

Quaid surprises me by gently sliding me off instead of dumping me into the water. My path down the front of his body back to standing on my own feet is torturous for both of us, judging by the fact that a certain part of his is standing at attention, despite the chilly water.

"To answer your question, no, I don't think you should go after him. If he can't see how much he needs you, that's on him," says Logan, coming up behind me. He presses up against me so I'm sandwiched in between both of them. I suddenly think I've forgotten how to breathe.

"He's right though. I haven't apologized yet," I tell them quietly. I have to look away from Quaid because he's staring at me like I'm everything, and Carter has reminded me quite clearly that I'm nothing.

"We probably all have many things that we need to apologize for from back then," Logan says gruffly.

I turn to look at him. "Do we though? You weren't the ones doing the leaving," I needlessly remind him. My departure is written in scars across all of our hearts. Impossible to forget.

"So apologize then," Quaid states succinctly.

I'm suddenly furious again, and this time, I'm almost positive that it's related to my brain tumor because no sane person would be angry about how easily Quaid and Logan seem to be able to forgive me. I push myself away from Quaid, needing some distance to make sense of the mess that is my head.

"Carter's right. You should be mad. I’m mad. Furious really. I've had to live ten years just getting by because of my selfishness. I could have stayed. We could have worked something out. Time is so precious. We could have grown up together. We could have been there for each other. We could have saved ourselves so much fucking pain."

"Princess—" Logan cuts me off with a gentle kiss. "Have you ever stopped to think that this was how it had to be? You assume that we would have changed our minds about sharing you on our own. You assume that everything would have gone perfect over the last ten years. That we would have somehow all fulfilled our dreams and stayed the same people we were before and ridden off into the fucking sunset as easily as that."

"You would have hated me in college," inserts Quaid. "I dreamed about you being there with me through that whole time, but if I really stop to think about it…I'm not sure that it would have worked. Maybe we all learned exactly the lessons we needed to, in order to get to this moment. Ten years is a lot. But we have so many more years than that in front of us right now."

A sob hitches out of my throat with the earnest and longing in his eyes.

"Right. I'm just going to go back to the hotel. I just need a little alone time. I'm sure Carter's out walking the streets right now, so I should be able to have the place to myself as long as you guys stay out here for a bit longer."

Quaid and Logan both look frustrated, but they nod in agreement anyway. I practically run to gather my things, only looking over my shoulder once to see them talking animatedly to each other as they continue to watch me.

My