Breathe Me - C.R. Jane Page 0,1

when a certain image stops me in my tracks. My hand goes to the picture hanging on my fridge door, held in place by an Eiffel Tower magnet I bought off Amazon. Without regard to my poor broken heart, I trace over the three faces that once upon a time were as familiar to me as my very own. I put the bottle back on the countertop, so both my hands are free to clutch onto the memory of days where my future was still something I looked forward to. One I still joyously day dreamed about and planned for with them at my side.

Most of the pictures from that time in my life are either in some shoe box stuffed inside my closet or archived in an obscure folder on my laptop, both hidden away from my eyes, so I don’t have a constant reminder of everything I lost. It’s just too painful to go through the endless amount of evidence of how my life would have turned out if one choice had been made differently.

However, I could never let myself part with this picture. It was our very first after all.

I remember that day like it was yesterday, even though it feels as if it was a lifetime ago. Dad had taken it when Logan, Quaid, Carter, and I had come into each other’s lives, unbeknownst to any of us how important we would become to each other. I still remember the beaming smile on my father’s face as he watched us sitting on my front porch, wolfing down pizza and telling jokes. We had just met a few hours before, and yet we were so in sync, it was almost as if we had known each other our whole lives.

In the years that followed, Dad used to talk a lot about soulmates. How sometimes in life, we get more than one, and how lucky I was to have found all of mine so soon. It meant we would be able to have more time to grow and nurture our love. To see it blossom into something extraordinary and unique above all others. He didn’t warn me that everything had an expiration date though. Even true love sometimes withers away. Just like how a fragile rose, once cut at the stem, loses its beauty and perishes before your very eyes. But Dad had always been a romantic, refusing to acknowledge such pessimist thoughts, and for a little while at least, I did too.

I can’t help the tug of a smile that rises from the corner of my lips, as I let myself reminisce on that day, even if my heart is being gripped by a relentless fist of sorrow, telling me to tread carefully.

Logan’s blond hair needed a cut that summer. It was constantly falling on top of his stellar blue eyes. Every time I saw him, he was running his fingers through it, making sure nothing got in his way when he looked at me. And Logan was always looking at me.

Quaid still had his braces on, but that didn’t deter his bright smile in any way. He was either telling a joke or laughing at one, proudly showcasing his infectious metal grin at every opportunity he could find. With his deep forest green eyes and his shaggy brown hair, it was impossible not to find him endearing, even when he was curled up laughing at our expense.

And then there was Carter—the lone wolf of our little pack. He never said more than an odd word here or there, but that didn’t mean he was less observant than the others—quite the contrary. There was never a moment I didn’t feel his lingering stare from under his curious lids. He never said much in the beginning, but every time he opened his mouth to speak, I’d become mesmerized. Carter had that effect on people.

Hell, they all did.

Before I knew what hit me, I had fallen for the three friends—unconditionally and irrevocably. At a time where I only had my father to call my own, they crept their way into my heart and became the family I always wanted. We were all so young then, but even at such a tender age, I knew what true happiness was. In retrospect, maybe it was the innocence of youth that made me believe I would always feel that way.

Healthy. Empowered. Safe. Loved.

Deep in my heart, I know they were the reason I had so much hope to begin with. So many