Breaking Stars - J. Sterling Page 0,95
form of leaving town, that is, not in the form of rehab, drug overdose, alcohol binges, or any other of the made-up excuses). I realize that being a twenty-one-year-old actress is nothing to complain about, and believe me when I tell you that I’m not complaining. But please understand that choosing this life means that I miss out on so many of the amazing things that you all get to do and experience every single day.
I know, I know—you’re probably rolling your eyes and calling me crazy right now because you’re supposed to be the ones envying my life, not the other way around. But to be honest, sometimes I crave normalcy with every fiber of my being. A normalcy that I never seem to get. A normalcy that I’ve decided to fight for because this is my life and I want to be the one in charge of it. :)
In the midst of the destruction of my relationship with Colin, I did exactly what I said above. I escaped. My heart landed in a tiny town I’d never heard of before, but I’ll never forget. Part of me is still there, and I think it always will be. Because in this tiny town in the South, I got to be Paige Lockwood, normal twenty-one-year-old girl, instead of Paige Lockwood, Hollywood actress.
I spent my nights drinking sweet tea and watching the sun set with an adorable black Lab at my side. I now own the most beautiful pair of authentic cowgirl boots I’ve ever seen (thank you, Emily). I got to experience my very first bonfire field party with giant trucks, hay bales, and some really good-natured people. Have you ever swam in a swimming hole complete with the obligatory rope swing before? Well, I never had, not before a few weeks ago. Heck, I didn’t even know that kind of thing really existed outside of the movies. And I loved every minute that I was away because for the first time in a long time, I was just like everyone else. I felt normal.
Being away was exactly what I needed. And no, not because I hated myself after what Colin did, or because I couldn’t get over him (I am SO over him, for the record). I’m not pregnant. I most certainly did not try to kill myself, and why anyone would even make light of something so serious is beyond me. Suicide isn’t a joke. I don’t find it funny, and I don’t think that the press should be able to throw that type of accusation around whenever it suits them (but that’s a discussion for another time).
There are so many things that each of us take for granted in our lives. I don’t believe we do it on purpose; we just get used to the things we have, the things that surround us on a daily basis, that we stop seeing how unique they truly are. Sometimes the most beautiful things in our world stop being so pretty because we see them all the time. But that’s on us to change our perspective and start really seeing again.
My eyes have been reopened. I can see clearly now exactly what it is that I want and need in my life to feel a little more like you and to be more relatable.
I’m sorry that I disappeared without a trace and made some of you worry. Please forgive me for causing you any distress, as that was never my intention. And please understand that escaping the chaos that surrounded me for a little while was exactly what I needed to do for me, but I won’t do it again. At least, not without letting you know. I promise.
I hope that you understand and that you’ll continue to follow me on my journey. It’s been the most incredible seven years, and I wouldn’t change a thing. But it’s time to expand my horizons a little. I’m not quitting acting—so please don’t think that—I’m just finding my balance, my happy place in this world.
It’s a space that exists in each of us that only we truly know what fuels it. I hope you have yours. And I hope you’ll stick around to watch me find mine. I love you all so much!
Sincerely and with respect,
Paige
My cell phone rang within minutes with my new agent’s name on the caller ID. “Is it okay?” I asked instead of saying hello.
“It’s perfect. I wouldn’t change a thing,” Madison said, making me really smile for