in control of at our hand. Wouldn’t wanna go forgetting.”
“One day, Brayshaw.”
“Damn fucking right, Perkins.”
Perkins walks away and the farther he gets, the more Maddoc starts to shake.
I glance from the man leaving to the one in front of me.
“Big man—”
He swiftly turns toward me, a deep frown in place and if I were any weaker of a person – at least on the outside – I’d cower in regret.
When did they get close enough to bring out things inside me no one else has ever seen?
I turn and walk away.
None of the boys are in class all day, but all are sitting at the usual table when lunch rolls around. Too bad not one of us speaks the entire time and when the bell rings, they’re quick to take off, so I do the same. But my feet drag a little more than they did this morning.
Chloe talks her shit in PE, but it’s petty shit like poor form and a few digs at my baggy gym clothes, so I ignore her, grinning when I remember I won’t have to deal with her anymore.
After school, the boys aren’t there waiting. It’s as bitter as it is relieving.
I hang around a bit so the rest of the house girls and guys are already long gone by the time I make the trudge back.
When I get inside, a few girls look up from their homework tables, but none say a word.
I find Maybell in what just this morning was my assigned room but tomorrow could belong to someone new.
“Look, I’m ...” I trail off with a huff.
Maybell scoffs. “Can’t even fake an apology, can you dear?”
I shrug even though she can’t see me. “You really want one if it’s not real?”
She turns and sits on the edge of my bed, looking up at me. “No. I don’t. And I appreciate you not standing here making excuses for what you did. It was stupid. A bad choice. Impulsive. But you know all that already, which is why you did it.”
“What kind of place did you grow up in, Maybell?”
“A place where pride was both an honor and a curse. That sound familiar?”
I ignore the question. “Then you know I couldn’t allow them to think they had a say.”
“I do.” She crosses her arms and frowns at me. “But what ticks me off, girl, is you know as well as I do, you’d have figured out a way to do what you wanted anyhow. One way or another, whatever it was they were trying to stop you from, you’d have still done it. So why’d you self-sabotage so quick?”
“Because she’s poison.”
“And they’re strong.”
I open my mouth to speak but close it just as quick.
Shit.
“You need to learn how to stop and think before acting. I know, in your life, you’re accustomed to new people coming in and out, but maybe this is the first time you found some that you don’t completely hate being around. Those boys, they’re more than meets the eye. They need someone to care about and you fit more than you want to admit.”
“I don’t want it to be me.”
“Why?”
“Because I had no plan to stay around.”
“Had.” She nods her head.
“Look, all I want is to get away from everyone who knows what I am.”
“And what are you, Raven?”
“I’m the daughter of a whore, dirty by default. Guilty by association.”
“And you always will be. Leaving, disappearing when you turn eighteen and never looking back, won’t change that.” She stands.
“For what it’s worth,” I tell her after a moment. “I am sorry, but not for what I did or why I did it. Only for disrespecting you when you’ve done nothing to deserve that from me.”
She stares and slowly a smile stretches across her freckled face.
She looks over my shoulder. “Perfect timing, boy.”
Maddoc squeezes past me, kisses Maybell on the head then picks up my two lowly bags, leaving my backpack to me, spins on his heels and walks out, not once looking my way.
I look to Maybell who laughs lightly.
“Go on now.”
“Thanks for uh...” I look around the room. “For having a safe place like this for girls to be. Even the ones who don’t act like it, appreciate this.”
Her eyes grow glossy, so I quickly try for an exit, but she stops me with a gentle hand to my arm.
“You, Raven Carver, are more than you let on too, you know. Believe that and share it with them.”