The Boyfriend Designer - Christopher Harlan Page 0,63
videos contributed to an unrealistic standard for men that made it impossible to live up to. Isn’t that what you said?”
“It is what I said,” he admits. “But you. . . you may have changed my mind a little with the live thing we did. You know, before crazy showed up.”
Wait. Is Captain Alpha a closet softie? I’ll have to test him. “Can I ask you something?”
“Anything you want.”
“Have you ever seen 10 Things I Hate About You?”
“No. Never heard of it.”
Damn. Litmus test failed.
“Why?”
Can’t let him know I’m secretly testing him. “No reason. And I guess I should thank you for the compliment. But really, what I’m excited about is that you’re growing as a person.”
“Thanks, Mom,” he jokes. “I feel like the sad music at the end of each Full House episode should be playing while you teach me about personal growth.”
“You’re such a jerk, you know that. Not just you, guys like you. All your little pack.”
“Oh, it’s far from a little pack. And there are no men like me—only me.”
I give him a look that could kill, but I have a smirk on my face while I do it. “Did you. . . you did. You just went full Jamie Lannister on me, didn’t you?”
“Maybe,” he jokes. “Just don’t cut off my hand, alright?”
“As long as you don’t try to bang your sister, we’re good.”
“No sister banging. Got it.”
We drink and laugh. And drink and laugh. . . then drink some more until what was a giant bottle of wine is a few drips of delicious red liquid at the very bottom of the dark bottle. A few hours pass, and the looser Conor gets the more he acts like the cool guy I’m getting to know, and less like Conor Durden—Alpha Dude.
I’m definitely not drunk, but I’m feeling every drop of wine that I swallowed. It’s a happy, lighthearted buzz that’s letting both of us let our guards down. We’ve always been attracted to each other, but now I’m actually getting to know him, and I like it.
“Wait,” I say, thinking about my joke from before. “Do you actually have a sister?”
He looks at me sideways. “What made you think of that?”
I don’t know, incest on the brain I guess. “Who knows why things pop into my head. Just wondering. I realized I don’t know much about your background.”
“Well I’m a quarter Scottish on Dad’s side, a little French...”
“Ha ha, you know what I’m saying.”
“Two sisters—both live upstate. That’s where I’m from originally.”
“Mom and Dad?” I ask.
“Yup, I have those also. One of each in fact.”
“I hate you.”
“Your body language says otherwise.”
“Oh, wait,” I joke. “Is this like, you using your super alpha powers right now?”
“Now I hate you.”
“Your grinning at me and that raging erection would say otherwise.”
“Wait.” He looks down at his lap. “I don’t have a raging erection.”
“Not yet. Give me a few.”
He raises an eyebrow. “Let’s get back to that in a minute. But first, to answer your question—at least the one I think you were trying to ask—is yes, my parents are both alive, healthy and still happily married.”
That’s a huge plus. I don’t mean to be biased, but I like a man who’s seen what a successful relationship can look like. I should take some pointers.
“That’s really nice.”
“Thanks. We all get along. I see my parents a few times a year, and my sisters come stay with me in the city every few months when they’re not traveling for work.”
“And they all know about your YouTube channel?”
“Yeah, of course, hard to hide something so big from them. Especially when I don’t have any other job. They would’ve started to wonder where the apartment and car and fancy clothes came from.”
“Do they know about the products?” I smile so big. “Oh, please tell me they know all about the products!!!”
“What is it with you and my merch? Don’t be a hater. I’ve seen some of your stuff.”
“Please,” I say, putting my hand up. “There’s no comparison. I put cute little phrases on tee shirts and mugs. You have a line of butt wipes for men.”
“Hey, those wipes are my second highest seller, I’ll have you know. They’ve been paying my car off for the past six months.”
“So if they’re your second highest, what’s your best seller? Tell me it’s the lube? Please let it be the ‘Junk Lotion’.”
“Junk Lotion does well, it does, but it’s not my bestseller. Not even close.”
“Is that because these poor guys who watch your channel