The Boyfriend Designer - Christopher Harlan Page 0,58
down, loses his shit and turns around, angrier than I’ve ever seen him. “Jessica, you have about five seconds before I call the cops, and this time they’re not just going to give you a warning. This time you get locked up—remember what Judge O’Calahan told you! Now get your crazy ass out of here now!”
Wow.
That actually was pretty damn alpha of him. I just felt a little tickle in my happy place. I hope he bosses me around later on. . .
Just when I think it’s over, though, crazy Jess screams back “Okay, okay, I’ll go. But. . . just once. Just do it once for me!”
“No way, I have the 9 and 1 dialed already. All I have to do is press the last 1 and you’re losing your freedom. Think about it.”
“Just once and I’m gone, I swear!”
Conor looks like he’s having the mother of all mental struggles. I can’t say I blame him. “What is she talking about?” I ask.
“Promise me you won’t think less of me in the next five seconds.”
“Why?”
“Just promise,” he repeats.
“Alright, I promise, but why did you. . .”
That’s when he howls. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not enthusiastic and it’s not loud. But he just howled. I look over at Jessica and she has the face of a woman who just had the most incredible orgasm of her life. I’m in the Twilight Zone right now.
After that she just turns and walks away quietly, basking in her post howl glow.
I laugh. I don’t mean to, but I can’t stop myself.
“You promised,” he says, finally grinning at how ridiculous this whole situation is.
“I promised not to think less of you, which I don’t. I kept up my side of the bargain. I made no promises about not making fun of you.”
He bursts into laughter. I’m glad he can have a good sense of humor about. . . whatever just happened. “This is a fucking disaster, huh?”
“Little bit. But at the end of the day, it’s just a ruined YouTube video.”
“Let’s hope.”
“You know, I like slightly vulnerable you. He’s kinda hot.”
“Oh yeah? That right?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Well then remind me to cry my eyes out later if it’ll get me laid. I’ll think of something traumatic from my past.”
And, just like that, Conor Durden is back, ladies and gentleman!
“And speaking of your growing vulnerability, I meant to ask you something.”
“What?”
“Your real last name. What is it?”
“Ooh, that’s a well guarded secret, darling. I’m afraid I can’t divulge that one just yet.”
Is he serious? “First off, who says ‘divulge’ outside of a military movie? And second, are you kidding?”
“Afraid not,” he says with a big ass grin on his face. He’s way too happy to keep me hanging.
“Seriously, I’m gonna go get that security guard and tell him to let the she-wolf loose on you.”
“Don’t even joke about that.”
“Fine,” I concede. “You don’t have to tell me your last name—yet—but I want the full debrief of that little situation. The one that involves the nut job who almost just got carried off by the nice men with the nets.”
He rolls his eyes. “Don’t get me started. How about over dinner tomorrow? I’ll tell you everything.”
“Sounds like a plan. I’ll text you after my live feed.”
“The sexy edition one?”
“You know it.”
“I’ll have to find some time to tune in, maybe it’ll give me a pointer or two.”
“I see. I don’t know though, you seemed to do just fine the other night.”
He smiles. It’s big and devious. If he had little devil horns they’d be popping up right about now. “Oh, baby, that was just the warm up. You ain’t seen nothing yet.”
Oh. Damn.
My vagina just hiccuped. I didn’t know they did that.
Shoshana
“If you want to discuss butt stuff, I’m not going to say no.”
I didn’t hear from Conor yesterday, but given everything that happened the night before I’m not surprised. I’m trying to give him space to deal with it whatever he needs to deal with. Today, I texted Sabina to see if she wanted to collab with me on a video—and by collab I mean film it. I made sure she wasn’t working cause I’m not looking to get the girl fired, but I can tell she’s way better than just taking coffee orders from random people as they head to their jobs.
She reminds me of myself, minus the cray-cray. She’s funny, a good storyteller, and I can tell she has ambition. After all, you don’t blog and build a following of a few thousand followers if