The Boyfriend Designer - Christopher Harlan Page 0,54
Conor and I aren’t opposites of each other.”
“You kind of are.”
“No,” I correct her. “You and Conor are kind of opposites of each other. But, then again, so are you and I in a lot of ways.”
It’s true. Tori’s podcast, Women on D*cks, and her bestseller Fu*#$@Boys, are all about all the dumb shit men have done to women. She collects stories from other women about their shitty boyfriends and their bad experiences and puts them together for others to read. She’s like the Brothers Grim for dumb guy shit.
“Yeah, that’s kind of true, isn’t it?”
“It is. But I’m telling you, Tor, he’s not what he seems to be. He’s a good guy. It’s all kind of an act.”
She gives me her skeptical feminist eyes. “An act? If that’s an act, the man deserves an Oscar.”
“Huh. Interesting. What category would that be?”
“What?”
“The Oscar. They’d have to invent a category—like, ‘Best Alpha Influencer in a Leading Role’ —that would be cool.”
“You really like him, don’t you?”
Her question comes out of nowhere. I turn and look at her. “Umm. . . no, I hate him, remember?”
“I think we’re past that phase, Shosh. You did hate him—but, even when you quote-unquote hated him, you still thought he was pretty hot.”
“Well, he is.”
“He is. I’ll give you that. You were always attracted to him, but, at some point, you quietly started dating him.”
“We’re not dating. I don’t think we are. I mean, we’ve been out on two real dates. Is that enough to call it dating?”
“I guess. But who knows if he’s seeing other people, or if he’s looking for a relationship. Have you talked to him about any of this?”
“You know what? You don’t need to call Mom because you’re channeling her right now. Holy crap, Tor, stop being such an old lady. I’m sure his intentions are pure and he’s going to ask your permission to court me any day now.”
“Oh my God.”
Tori uses that phrase a lot with me. Like, a lot a lot. Usually it’s when I’ve frustrated her with my sarcasm to the point where she’s basically given up on making whatever point she was trying to make. When that happens, I call it my ‘check-mate’ sarcasm. But that’s not how she just said it. She just gave me the shocked ‘oh my God.’
“What?”
“Shosh!”
“What is it?”
“You slept with him, didn’t you?”
Okay, how does she know that? Do you really glow afterwards? Do I have a sex glow right now?
“A lady never tells.”
“Oh no. Please say you didn’t.”
Okay, I’ve had enough of her being overprotective. “Okay, fine, you got me. I gave it up. I slept with him and it was amazing, okay? And he’s really good.”
“Why are you telling me that?”
“Just seemed like a relevant detail. What? Why are you looking at me like that?”
“You know why.”
“Because you think this is going to ruin my reputation?”
“It could,” she says.
“And it also could not. It isn’t like influencers are monks, Tor. People have sex, all the time. You think this is the first time this has happened? You need to stop worrying so much. If you trust me, then trust me. If I got the impression that he was just trying to use me, I wouldn’t have agreed to any of this, and I sure as hell wouldn’t have slept with him. It’s okay.”
“I hope you’re right.”
We spend the last ten minutes of the ride in silence. I feel like a kid in trouble and I hate it. It’s so dumb. I mean, yes, I’ve had a lot of bad boyfriends, that part is true. And it’s also true that I thought a lot of those bad guys were actually good guys.
Oh, I just heard it. I see where she’s coming from now.
Before we get out of the car, Tori puts her hand on my arm. “Look, I’m not trying to be a bitch. I just don’t want you to get hurt again, or jeopardize everything I know you’ve worked so hard for.”
“I know. It’s called being a friend, and you’re the best one I’ve ever had. But you don’t need to hold my hand like I’m a little kid.”
“You’re right.”
We hug. It’s a good one.
I see Conor’s followers all over the parking lot, and I also see mine. It’s funny how obvious it is that every woman is here for me and every man is here for Conor— hopefully this will help both of us gain some attention.
Inside, I see Conor talking to some of his people. The room