The Boyfriend Designer - Christopher Harlan Page 0,49
to make.” He smiles. He gets my quirkiness. “I mean, how could a good-looking kid, who was also an athlete, not get any girls? It defies all the laws of high school. Did you smell bad or something? Forget to brush in the morning? I need an explanation.”
“Probably at some point,” he laughs. “That would actually explain a whole lot. I think you nailed it.”
“No, seriously, what explains you being a tall, good-looking athlete who never had any girlfriends?”
“Oh, you want the serious answer. That one’s not as funny.”
“Hence the word serious.” I’m joking, but his face really does get more serious. He’s smiling, sort of, but almost in an uncomfortable way, and it makes his face look different than it has before.
“Right. Well the serious explanation is that I wasn’t so tall back then, but I don’t think that was the real reason. The truth is that I used to be shy. Painfully shy. The kind of shy that makes you turn red and get anxiety when you talk to people you don’t know.”
“No way. Really? I don’t believe it.”
“Believe it or not, it’s true. I was good at lacrosse, and I could talk to my coach and friends on the team, but going up to a girl would give me a panic attack.”
“What changed then? You’re the complete opposite now. You’re a successful YouTube personality, you make speeches in front of huge crowds. When did everything change?”
He takes a really deep breath. “February of my senior year in high school.”
“That’s so specific.”
“It was a specific thing that happened, and, after it did, I decided that I couldn’t keep going on being that afraid to talk to people—girls in particular. I was sick of seeing all of my friends have fun without me, and it was prom season.”
“Uh-oh.”
“Yeah, exactly. There was also a girl I’d liked from a distance for forever—Cheryl. She’d had a boyfriend since middle school, and by the time I’d decided to come out of my shell, Melissa was finally single. The timing was perfect. I worked up as much courage as I had in me—which was a lot—and I walked up to her and asked her if she wanted to go to prom with me.”
He stops his story, and I think I know exactly what that pause means. “This anecdote doesn’t have a happy ending, does it?”
“Nope, it ends terribly.”
“She said no?”
“Worse.”
“What’s worse than a rejection when you’re in high school?”
“A rejection that comes with uncontrollable, mocking laughter. Like out of a bad movie. Cackling. Everyone was looking. I think I turned red even though I’d never turned red in my entire life up to that point.”
“Oh, Conor, I’m so sorry. I mean, part of me is right there laughing also ‘cause I can be mean like that sometimes, but hearing the story now is really sad.” I put my hand on his. He looks more embarrassed than sad.
“It was rough. But I realized a couple of really important life lessons that day. First, I didn’t want to be that guy anymore. If I wanted women to like me, I had to change almost everything about how I presented myself. I couldn’t be the meek weirdo, I had to be confident. I hit the gym, got myself looking similar to how I look now, and eventually women started responding to me.”
“And what was the second thing you realized?”
“That I wanted to help other guys do the same. I wanted to take my own personal transformation and export it to others—and if I could make some money in the process, all the better. That’s when I got the idea. And that’s when I made over my friend. That video is still one of my most viewed. Over four million last time I checked.”
“That’s incredible. But there are a few holes in that story.”
“Holes? What do you mean?”
“Becoming a more confident man is one thing. Making yourself over, ditto. But where did this whole alpha, no apologize, let men be men thing come from?”
“It’s all one in the same. After that whole experience with Melissa, it took me a few years to become the man I am today. Lots of gym time, lots of self reflection, lots of therapy, even.”
“Therapy?”
“I had to get over that anxiety, and that took a lot of work. The physical transformation was the easy part. But what I really started to realize was that girls didn’t like me because I was giving off weakness. Sure, I was tall enough, I wasn’t ugly