The Boyfriend Designer - Christopher Harlan Page 0,3
my chest. But I’m not dead, so I guess not. Like, if my heart actually stopped I’d fall over, and I’m definitely still upright, I just can’t. . . “Breathe, okay? You’re holding your breath.”
“How can you tell?”
“’Cause you have this weird, still energy and I’m afraid you might fall down any second.”
“I’m good.” That’s a lie. Not good at all. I’m terrified to my very soul.
“Good. ‘Cause this is happening. ‘Ready or not’. . .”
Oh. It’s time for me to jump in. “. . .Here I come, you can’t hide. . .”
“Gonna find you, and make you want me!” We sing together. Best friends have things—things that are just their things, and ours is pop songs from the 90’s. Whenever one of us starts a lyric it’s the other one’s job to recognize and finish.
“Alright,” I tell her. “Let’s do it. You don’t play fair though—you can’t go full Lauryn Hill on me and expect me to focus on anything else.”
“I never said I was going to play fair. Now get your best YouTube smile ready, I’m about to reintroduce you to the world. Ready?”
I take a huge breath. “Ready. Let’s go.”
Tori takes out her camera—the one she brings everywhere, just in case she wants to shoot an impromptu vlog. As soon as I see it, all those nerves go away, and they go so far that if you told my now self that my five seconds ago self was worried, she’d laugh in your face. . . I mean my face. . . I mean. . .
“Hey there, TorMenTors, it’s your girl, Tori Klein, coming at you with some special news from a very special guest you all know and love. Shosh, take it away.”
I will, Tor. I’m gonna take this all the way.
Conor
Present Day
“I’d have to hit it from behind for sure.”
Unlocking Your Inner Alpha, Episode #207
What’s up my fellow alphas?
This is your loyal pack leader, Conor Durden.
It’s the last Friday of the month, and you all know what that means—it’s time to play my viewer’s favorite game—Smash or Pass.
But first, if you’re new to this channel make sure to give the video a like, hit that subscribe button, and turn on your notifications so you never miss a single video.
If this is your first time here, you’ve come at the right time. Let me explain how the game works: yours truly finds some famous pieces of ass and I decide whether said female would get a long, hard ride on the Conor express if the opportunity arose, or whether my time would be better spent keeping that six pack chiseled at the gym until someone hotter came along.
Today I thought we’d do a little something different.
Instead of movie stars and famous pop artists, this special episode of Smash or Pass is going to be devoted to my fellow YouTubers—the one’s I’d bang, and the ones I wouldn’t even fuck with your dicks.
I’m going to start with a relatively newer vlogger who came recommended by a follower of mind on Instagram.
Her name’s Shoshana, and she has one of the fastest growing channels out there right now—called The Boyfriend Designer— that’s currently sitting pretty at almost 750K members. First thing’s first, I have to give credit where it’s due. Congrats to Shoshana on her success.
But you didn’t click on this video to see me discuss her content, did you?
Nope. Didn’t think so.
So let’s get down to business and check this girl out.
Alright, the first thing I’m going to say here is not bad—not bad at all. Some nice long hair, light eyes, decent body from what I can tell from the camera angle of this video. She’s got a nice smile, for sure and. . .oh, the camera just panned back a little. Alright, alphas, time for some tough love.
Her thighs could be a little thinner. . . and if I’m being honest she’s not working with the biggest you-know-what’s in the world, and we all know how much your pack leaders loves a big ole’ pair. You know what I always say—anything less than a handful isn’t worth my time, and I’m seeing a couple of oversized clementines where I should be seeing some cantaloupes.
She also has this weird expression on her face at all times. Girl might be a little crazy. And not bedroom crazy, just straight cray-cray.
That expression’s a problem.
Can’t be looking into crazy face while I was smashing—I’d have to hit it from behind for sure—just saying.