The Boyfriend Designer - Christopher Harlan Page 0,10

now is as good a time as any for the real confession. “I didn’t just read,” I admit. I sound like a kid who’s in trouble.

“Oh, no. You didn’t?”

“I did. I’m so sorry.”

The second rule of YouTube Fight Club is that you. . .

“Never, ever, under any circumstances, REPLY to the shitty comments. Shosh, what are you thinking?”

“I’m not sure my brain is what I was using. I just had to respond to some of these idiots. Someone has to make them accountable.”

“Yeah, the YouTube community standards, not you. Don’t you realize, they love when someone with your following actually answers them—you just encourage them.”

“Okay, fine, I’ll stop going at it with trolls. But let’s get back to Conor for a second—I should at least be able to

“It’s the same issue!” Tori yells. “You care too much what people say about you—which is kind of not like you, it’s weird. But ever since you started this channel you seem really sensitive to things like this.”

She’s not wrong. I hate to admit that but it’s true. I normally give about zero fucks what anyone in real life thinks of me—but this online social media world is different for some reason.

“I think I just don’t get why people are so negative and weird.”

“Can we pause to internalize the irony of you calling other people’s behaviors ‘weird’?”

“I know. I heard it when I said it, but at that point it was too late to go back. But we can’t compare my lovable eccentricities to being a straight up asshole on YouTube. They’re not the same.”

“No, they’re not. You need to learn to ignore those people.”

Tori—my YouTube mom. “I’ll work on that.” I tell her. “But right now let’s get back to the super important matter of one Conor Durden.”

“You need to ignore him too. He doesn’t matter.”

Except to his millions of fans. “He isn’t right about me, is he?”

“Are you really asking me that? Since when are you insecure about the way you look? You’re gorgeous, Shosh. You’ve never had issues finding guys who were into you.”

She’s right, I’ve never had a problem finding guys who were into me—what I’ve had trouble with is finding good guys who can last more than a few weeks without screwing some other girl while we’re together, drinking too much, or otherwise being a douche.

“Thanks. I can always count on you to be positive.”

“That’s what I’m here for,” she tells me. “Which almost makes me feel bad about what I’m going to tell you right now.”

Oh Jesus. “Strangely I don’t like the sound of that at all.”

“I didn’t think you would, but you need to know. He’s going be there, right?”

I don’t know what she means, but I don’t love the sound of it. “Okay, I’ll bite. Who’ll be where?”

“Conor. Your new arch enemy. He’s going to be there with us at VidCon, New York.”

Oh.

Fuck.

My.

Whole.

Entire.

Life.

Shoshana

“I just said ‘orgasm’ to this stranger—multiple times.”

VidCon is the biggest event of the year for YouTubers and online influences alike—it’s like our Olympics, only instead of cool, shiny medals, we hope to get some more followers for our growing audiences. It’s held every summer in California. New York VidCon is a much smaller version of the the event in Cali, and this is my first time being here as a vlogger instead of an assistant.

I couldn’t be more happy…or more nervous.

But even though I’m super nervous there’s a silver lining to the whole event. A few, actually.

Fans are number one, for sure. Making connections in the industry is a close second, absolutely.

But the icing on my petty elephant cake is that there’s a person coming who really needs a refresher on how to show respect towards women. And it’s none other than my new Alpha arch enemy—the guy who deemed me unfuckable in front of all of YouTube.

Now, granted, I’m being a little dramatic because he actually doesn’t know we’re at war, but we’re totally at war. And he’ll know it once I get to see him face to face.

I mention to Tori that I’m thinking of confronting Conor and she responds with the phrase she usually does when I tell her about one of my schemes.

“You’re crazy,” she tells me. “Certifiable. Just no. You’re new to this. Conor has a huge following. I don’t care what he said, causing a scene is a bad look for you, even if you’re technically in the right.”

“So what?” I ask. “He’s just a guy, Tor, and no guy is above getting put in his