It takes a moment for my sluggish brain to sift through the events from last night.
Alyssa.
Dinner at my place.
Unable to sleep and shooting her a text.
I crack open an eye only to find her sprawled across my bare chest. There is nothing better than waking up with this girl in my arms. Even though my feelings for her scared the shit out of me, I regret pushing her away sophomore year. I have no idea if it’s possible to get back to a place where she can trust me again, but I’m determined to do everything in my power to make it happen and prove to Alyssa that I can be the man she needs.
All I know is that I’ve got to slow my roll and not come on too strong. If I push too hard, she’ll bolt. And I can’t blame her for that. She handed over her heart for safekeeping, and I stomped it to smithereens.
A strange contentment fills me as I watch her sleep. Even though I want this moment to last forever, I know it won’t. As soon as she wakes, the protective armor she cloaks herself in will fall back into place, and she’ll continue to hold me at arm’s length.
Unable to resist touching her, I stroke my fingers over her golden head. Alyssa has beautiful long hair. I love having it swathed across my body. I love wrapping the thick length around my fist and tugging it. I told myself when we were together that it was pure and simple fucking. She’d always been up for anything. Whatever I wanted to do. However I wanted to use her body, she let me do it. She was always willing to push the limits.
But the last time we had sex was different. No longer could I pretend that it was mindless screwing. Her feelings freaked me out, and I pushed her away. I made damn sure to blow up our relationship. Not once did it occur to me that moving on from her would be impossible.
A soft sound escapes from Alyssa as she shifts against me. My fingers still. I’m nowhere near ready for this interlude to be over. For a few more minutes, she drifts in and out of sleep before cracking open an eye and turning her head until our gazes can collide. It takes a moment for her to blink away the sleepiness.
My muscles lock, waiting to see how this scenario will play out.
“Morning,” she finally says.
Sometime during the night, her top was shed, leaving her as bare-chested as I am.
I clear my throat along with the thick emotion trapped inside it. “Did you sleep good?”
“Yeah, actually I did.”
Ever since I was a freshman in college, I’ve made it a rule never to spend the night with a chick. Fucking is one thing. Sleeping with someone and having an awkward convo the morning after is quite another.
Alyssa has always been the exception to that rule. She’s the only girl I’ve held in my arms for hours at a time. The only one I’ve woken up with in the morning. I have no idea if it’s the same for her. I’ve done my best to blot out the nineteen months we spent apart. As much as I want to ask, I’m unable to summon the words. I have no right to delve into her past when I’m the one who forced her away.
“Me, too.” Even though I’m afraid to push my luck, the question escapes before I can rein it in. “What are your plans for the day?”
More of her drowsiness falls away as she watches me cautiously. “Homework. Maybe a little grocery shopping in the afternoon.”
As we stare at each other, it feels like I’m standing on the edge of a precipice. One careless misstep and I could plummet to my death. The fear of being rejected is terrifying, but I don’t allow that to stop me. “Maybe we could spend it together?”
Indecision flickers in her eyes as she gnaws her lower lip and glances away. “I don’t know. Is that necessarily a good idea?”
My hands go to her cheeks, forcing her to meet my stare. “I told you that I’m not going to give up on you. Or us. We can take this as slow as you need. Just give me time to prove I’m not the same guy. That’s all I’m asking.”
My heart jackhammers almost painfully as a heavy silence stretches between us. I’ve done everything I can think