but still it became strident, tight, involuntarily gathering speed. Finally he managed to get everything out, everything he could recall, knowing in horror that he had not remembered everything. Unknown blank spaces filled him with pain. They were coming back, the terrible blank spaces. He had said all he could say for the moment; there was nothing left.
'David,' began Mo Panov firmly. 'I want you to do something for me. Now. '
'What?
'It may sound foolish to you, even a little bit crazy, but I suggest you go down the street to the beach and take a walk along the shore. A half hour, forty-five minutes, that's all. Listen to the surf and the waves crashing against the rocks. '
'You can't be serious? protested Webb.
'I'm very serious,' insisted Mo. 'Remember we agreed once that there were times when people should put their heads on hold - God knows, I do it more than a reasonably respected psychiatrist should. Things can overwhelm us, and before we can get our act together we have to get rid of part of the confusion. Do as 1 ask, David. I'll get back to you as soon as I can, no more than an hour, I'd guess. And Iwant you calmer than you are now. '
It was crazy, but as with so much of what Panov quietly, often casually, suggested, there was truth in his words. Webb walked along the cold, rocky beach, never for an instant forgetting what had happened, but whether it was the change of scene, or the wind, or the incessant, repetitive sounds of the pounding ocean, he found himself breathing more steadily every bit as deeply, as tremulously, as before but without the higher registers of hysteria. He looked at his watch, at the luminous dial aided by the moonlight. He had walked back and forth for thirty-two minutes; it was all the indulgence he could bear. He climbed the path through the dunes of wild grass to the street and headed for the house, his pace quickening with every step.
He sat in his chair at the desk, his eyes rigid on the phone. It rang; he picked it up before the bell had stopped. 'Mo?'
'Yes. '
'It was damned cold out there. Thank you. '
Thank you. "
'What have you learned?'
And then the extension of the nightmare began.
'How long has Marie been gone, David?"
'I don't know. An hour, two hours, maybe more. What's that got to do with anything?'
'Could she be shopping? Or did you two have a fight and perhaps she wanted to be by herself for a while? We agreed that things are sometimes very difficult for her - you made the point yourself. '
'What the hell are you talking about? There's a note spelling it out! Blood, a hand print!'
'Yes, you mentioned them before, but they're so incriminating. Why would anyone do that?"
'How do I know! It was done -they were done. It's all here!'
'Did you call the police?1
'Christ, no! It's not for the police! It's for us, for me\ Can't you understand that...? What did you find out? Why are you talking like this?'
'Because I have to. In all the sessions, in all the months we talked we never said anything but the truth to each other because the truth is what you have to know. '
'Mo! For God's sake, it's Marie!'
'Please, David, let me finish. If they're lying - and they've lied before - I'll know it and I'll expose them. I couldn't do anything less. But I'm going to tell you exactly what they told me, what the number two man in the Far East Section made specifically clear, and what the chief of security for the State Department read to me as the events were officially logged. '
'Officially logged... ?'
'Yes. He said row called security-control a little over a week ago, and according to the log you were in a highly agitated state -�-'
'I called them?'
That's right, that's what he said. According to the logs, you claimed you had received threats; your speech was "incoherent" - that was the word they used - and you demanded additional security immediately. Because of the classified flag on your file, the request was bounced upstairs and the upper levels said, "Give him what he wants. Cool him. "'
'I can't believe this!'
'It's only the middle, David. Hear me out, because I'm listening to you. '
'Okay. Go on. '
That's it. Easy. Stay cool - no, strike that word "cool". '