baseball bat. “I wish I were dead.” I cupped my mouth to stifle the sobs. “I did this…I fucking did this. I hate myself. I can’t even look in the mirror because I hate what I see.” I dropped my gaze to the sheets, imagining the snow that looked and felt so real. Her blood was staining the ground, her guttural noises loud as the knife pierced her intestines. My eyes closed as the image radiated across my mind, causing my breath to halt in agony.
His hand moved into my hair to stroke me gently, to try to calm me in silence.
His touch just made me feel worse because I enjoyed it. I shouldn’t enjoy it. I shouldn’t want him there. I pushed his hand away and left the bed altogether, moving into the living room. I took a seat on the couch with my arms crossed over my chest and stomach, just trying to get through this emotional agony that was as potent as physical pain. It attacked my brain, my heart, everything. It was like losing blood in the snow, like I was the one in the noose. I closed my eyes and just tried to get through it.
The cushion shifted as he sat directly beside me. His hand didn’t move into my hair again. He didn’t touch me at all, just the way he used to in the cabin. “Why can’t you look in the mirror?” His voice had been harsh in our fight earlier that evening, but now it was soft like raindrops on a rose petal. “Why do you hate what you see?” He waited for me to answer his question, and when that didn’t happen, he gently prodded again. “Talk to me, chérie.”
I opened my eyes and looked at him, tears on my cheeks, my lips, in the corners of my eyes. “She’s there because of me. She wouldn’t let me leave alone because she loves me so much…and she would do it again even if she knew what would happen. She would give up her life for mine in a heartbeat.” I shook my head, my voice cracking with tears. “And I shit all over that. What kind of person am I? I’m living in this fucking palace and fucking the guy who keeps her there. I just abandoned her… She would never abandon me.”
He watched me with those dark eyes, his features expressionless. For the first time ever, he dropped his gaze and looked at the cushion between us. The intensity was gone from his gaze. He looked like a different person—just for an instant.
I looked at the coffee table and forced the tears to slow, forced myself to calm. Otherwise, I would get a migraine from this grief.
“Chérie.” His voice was cloaked in such affection, it was like he physically touched me, physically reached his hand out and grabbed mine.
I turned back to him.
“People think life is complicated, that we wind up in situations because of a series of decisions. People think they happen to life. But in reality, it happens to us. Life happened to both of you, Melanie. You can blame it on yourself, but you were targeted before you even knew it, and it was going to happen, regardless. Maybe that would have included her. Maybe it wouldn’t have. No way to know. Because life isn’t complicated. It’s very simple—and random. To assign guilt is pointless.”
“It’s more than that—”
“If Raven were in your position now, here with me, do you think her behavior would be any different?”
“Yes. She never would have slept with you. She never would have—”
“She’s sleeping with Magnus, so I don’t believe that. There’s literally nothing you can do for her. You can’t run. You can’t go to the police. All you can do is accept your reality. And you aren’t a bad person for enjoying it too.”
I dropped my gaze. “But I’m weak. I’m a weak person.” I was just baggage to her when we tried to escape. If I were smart, I would have understood my surroundings and not had been captured in the first place. If I were strong like Raven, I wouldn’t need Fender to make a fire.
“I don’t see what you see, chérie. I see a beautiful, kind, lovely woman. If you were anyone else, Gilbert would be unemployed right now. If you could die by your sister’s side, you would. You’re a woman who likes to be taken care of, and you shouldn’t apologize for it. You don’t deserve