“What did I say?” He leaned toward me, closer to me than he’d ever been before. “Tell me what I said.” He grew more demanding as I didn’t answer, even angry.
“It’s all my fault…” I pressed my eyes tightly together, so more tears squeezed out. “She tried to save me, but I wouldn’t listen. She tried to warn me, but I was a fucking brat. I’m the reason she’s here. And she won’t…she won’t forgive me.” I lowered my wrists to my thighs where his hands remained, three times the size of mine, exerting the gentleness of a feather, like he knew exactly how to touch someone so delicate.
His coal-colored eyes looked at the side of my face, drilling deep into my core. The light from the fireplace brightened his face, sharpening the lines of his jaw by deepening the shadow behind the edges.
“I’ve tried to apologize a few times, but she won’t hear me out.” I gave a loud sniff then reached for a napkin on my tray to blot the tears away. The material balled up in my closed fingertips. “She’s right about me…she’s always been right. It made me angry with her, made me resentful. Not because she was wrong, but because she was right…and I hate that she’s right.”
“Right about what?”
I gestured to the fire. “That I’m worthless. That I always need someone to take care of me. That I’m an idiot who constantly makes bad decisions, so I need someone to make decisions for me.”
“Doesn’t mean you’re worthless. Means you have a different kind of worth.”
I patted the napkin against my cheek again, absorbing the final trail of tears.
“I can take care of you.”
My eyes stayed on the fire, his hands cupped underneath mine, letting mine rest inside his like they were pillows.
“You will never feel worthless with me.” He moved his face to the crook of my neck, his warm lips coming into contact with my skin. A soft kiss was pressed to my flesh, the same gentleness he showed with his hands. He let his mouth linger awhile before he shifted upward into my hair, smelling me, breathing against me. He turned a little bit more and pressed a kiss to the shell of my ear.
I closed my eyes and automatically interlocked our fingers. I was at the beach, and my fingers dove into the soft sand, the grains surrounding me until I was buried. His hand gave me a gentle squeeze in return. “The events of our lives that shape who we become are out of our control. Accept who you are.”
“That’s hard to do…when I’m the reason she’s here.”
“She’s the one who decided to be responsible for you. Never should have taken on the role if she couldn’t handle every aspect of it.”
My eyes started to water again. “I knew she moved to Paris to get away from me. So, I kinda forced my visit…just to be spiteful. It hurts that she moved to another continent just to be rid of me. I meant to confront her about it, but I never did.” He was now my confidant, my friend, the man who held my hands and listened to me cry. He was the only person who accepted me as I was…the exact opposite of Raven.
His hands continued to cradle mine, keep them warm next to the fire.
“If I hadn’t been a brat, she would still be in Paris, drinking her coffee and going to school. But like always, I came in like a fucking hurricane and destroyed everything.” Being trapped in this camp gave me time to self-reflect in a way I never had before. It forced me to look inward, to pick myself apart and acknowledge all my flaws, my mistakes.
“I like hurricanes.”
My eyes left the fire, and I slowly turned to look at him, to see his face so close to mine that his gentle breaths spread across my skin. Instead of pitch-black darkness of space, his eyes were warm like coffee, the fire highlighting the little flecks of gold in his gaze.
“Tornadoes, earthquakes…I like them all. And I can handle them.” He came a little closer then purposely looked down at my lips. Like they were my eyes, he gazed at them with the same intensity. His hand left mine then gently grazed my cheek before sliding into my hair, pulling it back from my face so he could see all of me, take in the watery eyes, the blotchy cheeks, my ugliness. His eyes lifted to