want to live out my days waiting for something better than the vast, glowy feeling cracking my chest open.
"Thank you," I said.
"Don't mention it." He ushered me into his office, pointing at the pair of seats in front of his desk. "Sit down."
After snatching his suit coat from its hanger on the backside of the door, he cloaked it over my shoulders. "Give me a minute to pack up."
I nodded, my hand clutched around the lapels to keep the coat from sliding off. I watched while Ash filed away his laptop and the report he'd fetched from the printer. He cast a hesitant glance at his desk, as if he couldn't decide whether to straighten the stray documents or take another project home with him. Eventually, he turned his wrist and blinked down at his watch, saying, "Our car will be here in five."
"We don't have to take a car," I replied. "I can walk. Or take the subway. Really."
Ignoring this protest, Ash tipped his chin toward my desk. "I'm going to grab your purse and log you out of your computer. Is there anything else you'd like me to do?"
I pushed to my feet, saying, "I have systems. Don't foul any of that up for me."
I swatted him away from my things and made quick work of closing out. Once I was finished, I followed him out of the suite and into the elevator. When he held his arms open to me, I paused, first shrugging out of his suit coat before nestling up against him.
"Did you warm up?"
I shook my head. "I don't want to walk through the lobby looking like tonight's A-block on the evening news. You know what I mean. There's always some tragedy porn in that segment. A dead-eyed woman swallowed whole by an oversized coat or blanket. People on their front lawn in pajamas. Someone who lost their shoes in an accident of some type. That sort of thing."
"You don't have dead eyes," he said.
"You're kind." I leaned my head against his bicep. "And tolerant."
His scruffy chin scraped over my cheek. "No. Neither."
"Then your mother and sister taught you—"
"No. Not that either." He held his arm over one side of the elevator door when it opened, gesturing for me to exit first. "The car should be here now."
He led the way, his hand steady on my back as we crossed the lobby and stepped outside into the wall of summer humidity. That left me cold yet sweating, an ever-pleasant combination. A spasm curled down my abdomen as he swung the SUV's door open and boosted me onto the bench seat. I went with a grunt that was graceless even for me.
Ash hopped in behind me, asking, "Could you dial down the air conditioning? Thanks, man. Appreciate it." He smoothed a hand over my hair and folded me in his arms. "What else can I do for you?" As if he knew I was about to shut down his offer, he added, "By that, I mean do me a favor and let me feel useful right now. Give me something to do for you, some way to help. If you don't, I'll invent my own solutions and god knows those will be some hot fucking messes."
A laugh worked its way up my chest. "There's one thing you can do."
Ash tipped his beer bottle back, drinking deeply. He released a satisfied groan when he set it down empty on the floor. "Fuck, this is nice. Is it inappropriate for me to request we do this every month?"
I flicked some water in his direction and reached over the side of the deep soaking tub in his bathroom for another slice of pizza. "Not inappropriate. Just…unusual. I'm not accustomed to being open about certain things."
Ash studied me for a moment, his brows lifted as if he was waiting for me to elaborate. When I didn't, he said, "There's nothing you can't share with me. Nothing that would change anything for us."
This wasn't about the ups and downs of my hormones anymore. It was about all the things left unsaid, unexplained. The story of where I'd been, why I left, why I had to stay gone—and all the reasons I couldn't get my hands around what it meant for a man to care about me the way Ash did.
I devoured my slice while he watched me, his golden hair dark from running a wet hand through it, water glistening on his broad chest, his legs layered between mine.