could stay right here, just like this, I could avoid all the reality bound to catch up with me. I could pretend Ash was clinging and rutting because he wanted me in all of my randomness, my me-ishness, rather than desperately needing his affection tank refilled. I could allow myself to believe I hadn't blown up my life and I wasn't trying to outrun the blast.
Ash shifted, stretched. His body was so—oof—taut against mine. "You hum when you think." His words rumbled against my neck, rough and sleepy. "It's really cute."
I glanced down at him but his eyes were still shut. I snatched my hand back from the band of his boxers. "I didn't mean to wake you up."
"I'm not complaining." He fumbled for my hand and when he found it, returned it to his lower back. "Since we're talking, would it be all right if I asked you a personal question?"
I studied the thick stubble on his jaw and above his upper lip as I considered this. "I hate to break it to you, Ash, but we're past the point of requiring permission to ask personal questions. This is all one big personal question."
"Is that a yes or a no, Zelda?"
"Yes, go ahead," I replied.
He dragged his hand from between my shoulders to my waist, slow slow slow like he wanted me to record the feel of his fingertips all over my skin. "What the hell are you wearing?"
"It's a shirt."
He fisted his hand around the fabric. If he gave the tiniest of tugs, it was bound to rip. "Is it really?"
"Yes," I snapped, failing to keep a laugh out of my voice. "And shorts."
He released the shirt, then traced his knuckles along my vintage waistband. "I'd really like to know whose boxers you're wearing."
"Who? What? Oh, they're mine," I sputtered. "Yeah. These are mine."
He stared down at the boxers, frowning. "I can't decide if I'm surprised or relieved."
"No?"
"No," Ash replied. "And that's not the greatest complication in this matter."
"What would that be?"
His frown morphed into a grimace, his brows gathering. "There's the issue of me being irrationally troubled at the prospect of you sleeping in some other guy's underwear."
Stifling a laugh, I said, "I like that this is when you decide to recognize the irrationality in your thoughts."
"If you liked that, you're going to love my next irrational thought." He dragged his knuckles from my hip to my belly button, making my heart pound in hard, dizzying whomps as he picked up the pace of his sleepy thrusts. "You should wear this every night."
Then, because when the universe blessed me with the treasured gift of making everything uncomfortable all the time, it blessed with many hands, I said, "Maybe this works for you but I don't usually wear much of anything to bed. I'm only dressed now because I'm not in bed."
Ash blinked at me, blew out a breath as ragged as hurricane gusts, and rocked his body against mine like he couldn't help but get the last word. He was thick and hard, and if he hadn't frowned at me after holding himself against my body for a heavy-lidded beat, I would've locked my legs around his waist and begged him to finish what he started.
But I'd made it uncomfortable and now Ash was busy overthinking.
"Why did you tell me that?" he asked.
There were no words. Truly, no words. I didn't have an answer for him and even if I did, the erection throbbing against me was the only thing on my mind. The words available to me now included yes, condom, and please.
Fortunately for me and rhetorical questions everywhere, Ash continued. "Why do you want me to know that, Zelda? Do you want me knowing there's nothing between you and the sheets? Do you want me thinking about you that way?"
Since I didn't know how to help myself, I said, "I think you'll do it anyway."
There was a moment when he was completely still and silent, and I was even more aware of the places where our bodies touched and formed a new topography. Ash dropped his head to my chest, asking, "And if you're right about that?"
His words reverberated against my breast and I stayed quiet a few extra moments in case this was another question not meant for an answer. Also, I really loved the sensation of him speaking directly to my breast. Eventually, I said, "You tell me, Ash. What does it mean to you if you're thinking about me naked?"