tarantula or, I didn't know, a ferret. "You have a pet?"
"Yeah. Kirby. He's my three-headed cactus. He stands guard and keeps watch over the kingdom." Ash pointed to the kitchen and yeah, a round cactus with three 'heads' extending from the body sat in a ceramic pot on the countertop. "Do we have any ice cream?"
We crossed a living room straight out of a home décor magazine and traveled down another hallway. "Not sure, sweetie. I can't imagine you keeping ice cream in the freezer. Seems about as off-vibe as you eating cookies for breakfast," I replied, kicking open a door. "Oh, thank god, it's a bedroom."
Ash leaned into me for a long, heavy moment where I let myself welcome that contact. It was new and foreign and amazing. And it'd been so long. Years and years without a touch like this had been almost enough to convince me I didn't need it the way I needed light and air. I needed it more than anything.
Then, he rasped, "I have missed my bed so much." He stumbled away from me, his limbs slow and uncoordinated as he weaved toward the bed. Before I could stop him, he flopped onto his back and promptly shouted, "Fuuuuuucking ouch."
"Okay, okay. Easy there," I whispered, rushing to his side. "Let's get you situated."
Putting a grown man to bed was about as simple as swaddling a bullfrog. He wiggled and rolled, and struggled to find a comfortable position. I almost had him there when he said, "Can you take my pants off?"
A shocked laugh burst out of me because yes, a portion of me was extremely interested in more information on that topic but also no, not today, Satan.
He pushed to his feet, wobbled, plopped back on the bed like a baby fawn learning its legs. "Have I mentioned auditing is highly varied work?"
"I don't even know what to say to that, sweetie." I stood between his legs, beckoned him toward me. "Stand up, hold on to me, and then you'll step out. Got it?"
"I need you to get my shirt off too," he said as he followed my orders. His trousers dropped, the belt clattering as it hit the floor. That left him in boxers—or briefs. I wasn't about to look. A thin bit of fabric separated me from confirming the big feet hypothesis and that knowledge was more responsibility than I could manage tonight. "It's strangling me."
"Do you know how dramatic you are when you're drugged?"
"My mother says I'm moody," he said with a perfectly adorable pout. Yes, he was moody.
Before I could get him out of the shirt, I had to free him from the sling and the straps crossing his chest and circling his torso. That meant navigating tender, swollen skin and proceeding despite his groans and grimaces. It hurt my heart to put him through this. "Are you sure you can't deal with the shirt for one night?"
"I don't know how to sleep with clothes on."
"Mmhmm." I nodded, murmured to myself again. "Mmhmm. This is perfectly reasonable information. Nothing about this is unusual, not when compared with the rest of this day."
Once the straitjacket sling was off, I started working the buttons loose at his collar, my touch professional as hell. I refused to let my fingers brush his heated skin or my mind wander to the fact he was nearly naked, in his bedroom, at night, with me.
When I pulled the shirt off his arms, he blew out a sigh of relief, saying, "This is much better."
And then he shoved a hand into his boxers—this time, I looked—and fondled himself for the longest minute of my life. I was too surprised by that move to stop myself from watching.
Yeah, my hypothesis was spot-on. Big feet, big…moods.
"We need to get you into that sling, Ash," I said when he finished reorganizing his man business. "Sit down on the bed so I can reach you. Okay?"
He let out a deep, rattling grandpa yawn as he sat down. "I'm so tired, Zelda."
Grabbing the sling, I tried to remember the proper way to get it on. "I'm sure you are. You have enough drugs in you to take down an elephant."
"I'm not tired from the drugs," he argued. "I'm tired from this whole fucking day. Do you know how it started? Do you know what I got this morning? A text message. Can you even believe that shit?"
"Nope, I cannot believe it." I glanced up from the sling and found Ash tucked into