The Bookstore on the Beach - Brenda Novak Page 0,148
an early end, before all the fun activities she would’ve participated in as a senior—especially graduation. But Autumn understood that staying was indeed the best thing for her. At least she hoped it was, and that she and Sierra would be able to take care of the baby on their own, at least until they got their diplomas and would be willing to move back to Tampa or do something else. Mary said she’d help and so would Laurie, if it came to babysitting here and there, but leaving her daughter behind was one of the most difficult things Autumn would ever do.
But so was leaving Quinn.
“Taylor made a good case for staying,” she said. “And I know you’ll be here to take care of her, like you’ve always taken care of me.”
Mary smiled and reached over to cover her hand. “I’m glad you trust me with her—because I will take good care of her. But I’m so worried about you. I don’t think you’ve slept a wink since Nick came home, have you?”
Autumn twisted around to check for herself that her son was asleep. “It’s been an adjustment,” she said, speaking euphemistically, just in case. “But don’t worry. I’ll stay in close touch, and I’ll come back often. Nick agreed that I can come home whenever I want.”
“Was that part of your deal?” she asked wryly.
No doubt her mother had been able to tell how strained things were between them. Nick was sleeping in her bed again—it seemed too cruel to relegate him to a motel when he hadn’t done anything wrong; and it upset their children—but she hadn’t been able to make love to him yet. As long as she “snapped back” to the wife she’d been, he seemed eager to forgive and forget Quinn, which was partly why he was pressing her to resume sexual relations. He needed the reassurance it would provide, so she was counting on the physical aspect of their relationship being easier for her once they got away from Sable Beach and were back in their own house. “With time,” she kept telling him, but she was nowhere near ready. Her heart and her body still longed for Quinn. It had only been a week since she’d spoken to him on the beach, however. She had to give herself more time.
“This will be the best thing for Caden,” she said. “It’s so hard to change schools when you’re in high school.”
“Seemed to me, he was okay with it.”
“But his water polo...”
“Right. I remember.”
Autumn pushed her cup away. “Mother, you’re not making this any easier.”
“I appreciate Nick, honey. I’m grateful for all he’s done. But I don’t see how it can work. You can’t tell your heart who to love.”
“I loved him once. I can love him again,” she insisted. “I mean, I still do love him—in many ways.”
Her mother studied her for several long seconds. “No matter what, just know that I admire the kind of character you have and that I’m proud of you.”
“Thanks.” Autumn knew Mary wasn’t convinced, but she was afraid to discuss it any longer for fear she’d wind up letting Nick and her kids down when she was trying so hard not to do that.
“I’ll get Taylor up so she can say goodbye.”
“I’ll go get Nick,” Autumn said.
* * *
“So...how are you doing?” Mary asked, her voice slightly tinny because she was coming through FaceTime on Autumn’s iPad.
Autumn wanted to tell her mother that she was doing great, but this had been the hardest three weeks of her life. “Caden is enjoying school. I think it was good that we came back—for his sake.”
“I’m happy to hear that. But I didn’t ask about Caden.”
Autumn took a sip of her coffee. It had grown cold while she’d sat at the kitchen table, staring off into space, yet she couldn’t summon the energy to get up and pour herself a fresh cup. She was just glad to be alone—at last—so that she didn’t have to smile and pretend to be okay. “I know.”
“It’s that bad?”
She shifted her chair so that she could see Chris’s painting of the little girl carrying a stack of books while leaving a bookstore with her mother and missed Sable Beach more than ever. “I keep telling myself it’ll get better.”
“But...”
“It hasn’t so far.”
“What’s going on?”
“Nothing I can point to. Nick has been home a lot, of course. Trying to acclimate and get reacquainted with me and Caden. He’s been...kind, supportive, understanding and yet...”