The Book of Doom - By Barry Hutchison Page 0,56
it?”
“Yes.”
“Ah,” said Angelo. “But would it?”
“Yes, it would! Obviously. I mean, think about it.”
“That’s as may be,” Angelo said, nodding sagely, “but would it really be—?”
“Forget it,” Zac snapped. He adjusted the rucksack on his shoulders as he stomped off towards the door. “You coming then, or what?”
“Yippee!” said Angelo, skipping on bare feet across the polished floor. He caught up with Zac just as he arrived at the doors. They both leaned back and craned their necks and looked up.
The doorway was fifteen, maybe twenty metres high, and wide enough to drive two tanks through side by side. The wood of the door was dark and smooth, with two handles made of grey crystal mounted at about Zac’s head height.
Angelo whistled quietly. “That’s a big door.”
“It is.”
“I wonder why they need such a big door.”
“I’m trying not to wonder that same thing,” Zac said. He reached for the handles, but neither one turned. He tried pushing the doors, then pulling them. Neither one budged.
“What now?” asked Angelo.
“Not sure,” Zac admitted. He gave the door a final dunt, then turned his attention to the walls on either side. “Wait, look at this.”
Angelo was at his back in a heartbeat, leaning over him, trying to see. “What? What is it?”
Zac studied the metal and plastic box attached to the wall. It had a button marked CALL, and what looked like a small speaker directly above it. “I think... I think it’s an intercom.”
“Oh,” Angelo said. He nodded slowly. “What’s an intercom?”
“It’s like a telephone thing. Press the button and you can speak to whoever is on the other side.”
Realisation spread across Angelo’s face. “Right, one of those. Oh, wait! I just thought of something!”
“What?”
“Star Wars! There’s this bit in Star Wars, right? When Luke and Han Solo are trying to rescue Princess Leia from the Death Star, but she’s, like, being guarded and everything.” Angelo bounced up and down with excitement. “So to get in, they dress up as Stormtroopers and put Chewbacca in handcuffs and pretend to have captured him!”
“Right,” Zac said. “And what then?”
“They rescue Princess Leia.”
Zac hesitated. “OK. And how does that help us?”
Angelo smiled uncertainly. “What?”
“Han Solo and Luke Skywalker. They dress as Stormtroopers and put Chewbacca in handcuffs. How does that apply here?”
Angelo shrugged. “Well... it doesn’t.”
“What? Why the Hell did you tell me, then?”
“Just that it’s one of my favourite bits,” Angelo explained. “Han Solo uses an intercom. That’s what reminded me.”
Zac slapped himself on the forehead. “Oh, for f—” he began, before a crackle from the wall-mounted speaker stopped him. A not-unpleasant female voice addressed them.
“Welcome to Hell, dominion of the Dark Prince Satan and all his underlings. Your misery is our satisfaction. How may I be of assistance today?”
Zac’s mind raced. They’d lost the element of surprise, so there was nothing to gain from keeping quiet. But what could he say? How could he explain who they were and why they were there?
“Hello?” said the voice on the intercom. Zac was about to reply when Angelo stepped past him and approached the speaker. He gave Zac an exaggerated wink, then began to talk.
“Bg,” he said. “Pk. Sshk.”
There was a pause from the other side. “Sorry? I didn’t catch that.”
“Brrrk. Tsst. Jb?” Angelo said, then he bit his lip to stop himself laughing.
“Sorry, we seem to be having technical difficulties,” the woman said. There was a note of irritation in her voice. “One moment and I’ll come on out.”
Angelo stepped back, put his hand over his mouth, and mimed laughing. There was a clunk and a creak and the doors began to swing slowly outwards.
A moment later, a woman in a grey business suit came through the widening gap. Two stubby horns poked up through her greying hair, and as she stepped on to the onyx ground her hooves clipped and clopped.
“Sorry about all that,” the woman said. She smiled, but it wasn’t a real smile. It looked as if she’d learned it from a book, and not a very good book at that. “Now, how may I help you, gentlemen?”
A dart from Zac’s gun lodged in her cheek, just below a pointed ear. Her eyes glazed over at once. “Well, isn’t that just marvellous?” she slurred. A second later, she was asleep on the floor.
The smile fell from Angelo’s face and he pointed down at the slumbering demon woman. “You shot her!” he gasped. “You shot her in the face. I can’t believe you shot her in the face!”
“I thought that was the