and kissed her on the forehead. “And we’ll start by searching that house at nightfall. And we’ll just keep looking for her until you can talk to her again.”
As Helania’s lashes blinked quickly, he wished he could shoulder the pain for her. He would do anything to make her mourning easier, so yes, goddamn it, he was going to find that house, that female, for her if it was the last thing he did on earth.
“Thank you,” she whispered. “You’re always there when you’re needed, aren’t you.”
“I try to be.”
“How could your father not have been proud to have you as his son?”
Boone shrugged. “Different set of standards. Way different.”
There was a pause. And then she said, “What is it?”
“Hm?”
She brushed her fingertips over his eyebrows, smoothing them. “You’re frowning. What are you thinking about?”
It was probably not the best timing to go into it. But for some reason, he couldn’t stop himself from speaking—probably because of the conversation they’d had with Butch in that interrogation room.
“I sometimes think my sire might have had my blood mahmen murdered.”
Helania jerked up, her citrine eyes popping wide. “Are you serious?”
“It’s okay.” He soothed her shoulders with his hands. “It’s all right.”
“No, it’s not. What happened?”
“I don’t know. She wasn’t sick. She wasn’t old. She wasn’t pregnant. Except one evening, she woke up dead.” He shook his head. “I wasn’t any closer to her than I was my sire, but even a stranger could tell she was woefully unhappy.”
“Did she . . . commit suicide?”
“You can’t get into the Fade that way. Or at least that’s what they say—and I know she believed it. I overheard her talking to my aunt once, saying that the only thing that kept her going was the thought that eternity was waiting for her at the end of the suffering. Provided she didn’t do anything rash.”
“How did she die?”
“I never knew. I came down to First Meal, and my father informed me she had passed. That was it. Like it was an update on the weather or something. I never got the story of the how and I should have asked. Even though I probably wouldn’t have gotten any kind of answer from him, I regret that I didn’t even try.”
“Was your father upset?”
Boone shook his head. And he was a little surprised at how hard it was to say the words. “My father was in love with someone else.”
“He was cheating on her?”
“It was more than that, I think. It was a full-blown relationship.”
“And he stayed with your mahmen because divorce doesn’t exist in the glymera?”
“No, I think it was because it was a male. He was in love with a male. With Marquist, the one he left everything to.”
Helania’s jaw slowly fell open. “Did your mahmen know?”
“She must have. Even though aristocrats are very particular about their vices, very private about them, and that kind of relationship was not—is not—allowed, there is no way when Marquist moved in that it wasn’t apparent to her. How could it not be?” He shrugged. “Besides, I doubt it was my father’s first affair in that regard, and maybe that was why she cheated on him, too.”
“She did?”
“I’m not even sure I’m biologically his.” As Helania’s eyes popped again, he laughed bitterly. “Yes, I’m afraid things only look good from the outside where I’m from. And that is precisely why, right after my mahmen died, my father moved another ‘appropriate’ female in. His second shellan fared no better than his first, but at least my stepmahmen seemed better prepared to live with the situation.”
“Boone . . . I had no idea you grew up like that.”
“It’s all right.”
“No, it’s not.” Helania massaged the center of his chest, right over his heart. “My parents didn’t have much when it came to money, but their love was the binding to my sister’s and my lives. I can’t imagine what it was like not to have that example to believe in, to model, to hope for for yourself.”
The idea that that kind of loving relationship had existed between her parents made Boone want her for his own shellan even more.
“I’m so sorry,” Helania whispered. “That sounds so lame, but . . . I wish—”
“It’s okay,” he said as he leaned up and kissed her. “It feels good to get it all out in the air to someone. I’ve never told anybody the real story—and as for my blood mahmen’s death, I’m not sure which one of them did it.” Boone laughed in