for me, like I was getting ready to move on. And then Hayley was dead too and all the clothes were burned. It was almost like I’d lost Lucy again.’
Harry couldn’t think of anything to say.
‘There was a little pyjama set. Christiana embroidered it herself with all the Beatrix Potter characters. It was so beautiful. I thought I was so brave giving it away.’
Again nothing to say. He was hopeless, in the presence of grief, completely hopeless.
‘You’re a good listener,’ said Jenny, getting to her feet. ‘I’m going back inside now. Good luck tomorrow.’
‘Would you like me to come with you?’ He stood up.
‘No, thank you,’ she said. ‘I’ll be fine. I’ve never been afraid of ghosts.’ She smiled at him and turned to walk back towards the church.
31
‘OH GOD,LISTEN TO IT, GARETH, IT’S STILL GOING ON.’
The gentle, rocking motion that had lulled Tom to sleep and kept him there had stopped. His dad had parked the car and his mum was talking in that low voice she used when she didn’t want him or Joe to hear what she was saying. Normally it was a signal to listen all the harder, but Tom really didn’t want to be any more awake than he already was. He just wanted to sleep.
He heard movement and thought perhaps his dad had turned round in his seat to look at the children. ‘They’re flat out,’ he said, whispering like their mother had done. ‘We’ll just carry them in. They won’t know anything about it.’
‘But listen to it. It’s making me feel sick.’
Tom didn’t want to hear anything. There was a dream somewhere, a good one, if he could only find his way back to it. But he was listening all the same. He couldn’t help it. What was that noise? Like someone was moaning. No, not just one person, lots of people, crying in dull, low voices. Were they people, though? They didn’t sound like people. Rooarrk, they were saying, over and over again, Rooaark. Tom couldn’t explain why, but it was making him feel guilty.
‘We’ll put them in bed and put some music on,’ said his father. ‘Come on, we won’t be able to hear it as much inside.’
The car door opened and Tom could feel cold air on his face. And the noise became louder. Not just Rooarrk but other sounds too. Naaaa! Naaaa! Somewhere close by, men were shouting, laughing, yelling instructions to each other. Tom really, really didn’t want to listen to it but the din was seeping its way into his head, like water through a sponge. Then someone was reaching over him and he could smell his mother’s lily-of-the-valley perfume. The soft wool of her sweater brushed his face and he thought perhaps he was reaching up a hand towards her, to pull her down closer. Then she moved away.
‘We can’t leave Tom out here,’ she said. ‘How are we going to do this?’
Leave Tom?
‘I’ll lock the car door,’ said his dad. ‘We’ll be thirty seconds. Come on, let’s get on with it.’
The scent of Tom’s mother faded. He heard the car door being closed softly, the beeping sound of the remote key and then the locks themselves clunking down. Tom opened his eyes. He was in the car, sitting by the window of the rear seat. Alone.
The car was parked in the driveway of their house. He could see lights in the downstairs rooms. The front door was open. His parents would be carrying Joe and Millie up to bed and then his dad would come back for him. The family often did this when they were out quite late, like tonight, when they’d been to Granny and Grandad Fletcher’s house for dinner. Tom closed his eyes and prepared to drift off again.
But how could he sleep when something close by was miserable and frightened? Over and over again something was moaning. It had made his mother feel sick. It was making Tom want to cry. Then there was a scream. A loud, piercing scream and he was wide awake again.
Tom turned his head to look up the hill. Across the road, the buildings around the butcher’s shop were brightly lit. He could see movement, men walking around, carrying large bundles on their shoulders.
His seatbelt was still tight around him and he reached down to unfasten it. The car was locked and there were child locks on the rear doors, but he knew he could climb over the seats and open the front door. He could