And it was going well. Except he might just have messed it up.
‘Now you’re starting to sound kinky,’ he said.
‘Says the man who wants to date my horse.’
‘Saturday then. Can I walk you to your car?’
She pushed herself upright. ‘Thanks,’ she said. ‘It’s next to that flashy blue thing with the soft top and all the chrome.’
15
25 September
‘YOU LOOK MUCH BETTER, GILLIAN,’ SAID EVI.‘I’D HARDLY have known you.’
‘Thank you. I do feel better.’
Gillian’s hair was freshly washed, her clothes seemed cleaner. There was even a touch of make-up around those strange, silver-grey eyes. It was possible to see, this morning, the attractive girl she’d been before her life had fallen apart.
‘And you’re still getting on all right with the medication?’ Evi asked.
Gillian nodded. ‘It’s amazing, the difference it makes,’ she said. Then her face darkened. ‘I spoke to my mum about what you’d given me and she said I’d become addicted. That I’d have to take pills for the rest of my life.’
Well-meaning relatives with fixed views didn’t always help.
‘Don’t worry about that,’ said Evi, shaking her head. ‘Addiction is always a risk but it’s one we’re very careful to guard against. The medicines I’ve given you are a temporary measure. I’ll be aiming to wean you off them gradually, once we both think you can cope without them. How are you finding the AA meetings?’
Another nod. ‘They’re nice. Nice people. I haven’t had a drink in fourteen days.’
‘That’s brilliant, Gillian, well done.’
Astonishing, the difference in the girl. Four weeks ago, Gillian had barely been able to string a sentence together.
‘Can we talk about what you’ve been doing over the week,’ suggested Evi. ‘Have you been eating?’
‘I’m trying, but … it’s funny, Pete used to tease me about putting weight on. Now, I’m a size zero and his new girlfriend’s getting fatter by the week.’
Getting conscious about her body size again. Using a modelling term – size zero – and secretly proud of it.
‘Are you still in touch with Pete?’ asked Evi. The subject of Gillian’s ex-husband had come up briefly in two of their previous appointments. Both times, Gillian had been reluctant to discuss him and Evi hadn’t been able to help thinking there was a lot of suppressed anger getting in the way of her recovery. Now, just at the mention of the man’s name, Gillian’s lips had all but disappeared and a small muscle beneath her left eye was twitching.
‘Are you angry with him?’ asked Evi, when Gillian showed no sign of responding. ‘For leaving when you were grieving?’
Gillian’s eyes narrowed. ‘He was having an affair,’ she said, looking over Evi’s shoulder to the window. ‘Before the fire. He was already seeing her, the woman he’s with now.’
She’d thought there was something. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t know,’ said Evi. ‘How did you find out?’
Gillian looked down at the carpet. ‘Someone told me,’ she said. ‘A friend of mine. She’d seen them in the pub together. But I knew anyway. You always know, don’t you?’
‘But you were out together, the night of the fire. Maybe it wasn’t too serious, this thing with …’
‘We weren’t out together,’ interrupted Gillian. ‘He was with her. He’d left me on my own with Hayley. Again. So I phoned Barry Robinson and asked him to babysit. Then I caught the bus into town. I was spying on my cheating husband when my baby was burning to death.’
That certainly explained a lot. No wonder the girl felt guilty. Even less wonder her husband had left. The two of them would barely have been able to look at each other without feeling overwhelmed with guilt.
‘Do you still have feelings for Pete?’ asked Evi.
‘He’s a cheating bastard,’ said Gillian. ‘My stepdad was the same. Most of them are. Out for what they can get and they don’t care who with.’
Alarm bells were ringing in Evi’s head. ‘You didn’t get on with your stepfather?’ she asked. Gillian’s stepfather had cheated? With whom?
Gillian was still looking at the floor. Her lips had tightened. She had the look of a teenager in trouble for staying out too late.
‘Do you blame Pete for Hayley’s death?’ Evi tried again, when she realized Gillian wasn’t going to talk about her stepfather. No answer. ‘Are you angry with him for maybe not grieving as much as you?’
At last Gillian looked up. ‘Hayley’s death destroyed Pete,’ she said. ‘He adored her. Afterwards, he couldn’t bring himself to look at me because I reminded him of her.’
‘Grief often breaks up marriages,’ said Evi. ‘Sometimes the