From Blood and Ash (Blood And Ash #1) - Jennifer L. Armentrout Page 0,28

“I take my thank you back.”

“I never should’ve allowed you to begin doing this.” He caught a low-hanging branch, moving it aside. “You going out among the people poses too much of a risk of discovery.”

Dipping under the branch, I looked back at him. “You didn’t allow me,” I reminded him. “You just couldn’t stop me.”

He stopped, catching my arm and turning me so I faced him. “I understand why you want to help. You couldn’t when your mother and father lay dying.”

I flinched. “It has nothing to do with them.”

“That’s not true, and you know it. You’re trying to make up for what you were unable to do as a child.” His voice dropped so low, I could barely hear him over the breeze stirring the leaves above us. “But it’s more than that.”

“And what is that?”

“I think you want to be caught.”

“What? You really think that?” I took a step back, pulling free of his hold. “You know what the Duke would do if he ever found out.”

“Trust me, I know. It’s not likely I’ll forget any of those times I had to help you walk back to your room.” His voice hardened, and heat blasted my cheeks.

I hated that.

Hated the way I felt for something someone had done to me. Absolutely hated the heavy shame that threatened to choke me.

“You take too many risks, Poppy, even knowing it’s not just the Duke or even the Queen you’d have to answer to,” he continued. “Sometimes, I wonder if you want to be found unworthy.”

Irritation flared to life, and there was a part of me that recognized it was because Vikter was scraping at old wounds and getting too close to a hidden truth I didn’t want to delve into and uncover. “Whether I’m caught or not, wouldn’t the gods already know what I do? There would be no reason for me to take additional risks when nothing is hidden from them.”

“There is no reason for you to take any risks at all.”

“Then why have you spent the last five or so years training me?” I demanded.

“Because I know why you need to feel like you can defend yourself,” he shot back. “After what you suffered, what you have to live with, I can understand the need to take your protection into your own hands. But if I had known that it would lead to you putting yourself in situations where you risked exposure, I never would’ve trained you.”

“Well, it’s too late for that change of heart.”

“That it is.” He sighed. “And way to avoid what I just said.”

“Avoid what?” I asked, pretending ignorance.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

Shaking my head, I turned and started walking. “I don’t help those people because I want the gods to find me unworthy. I didn’t help Agnes because I hoped she would tell someone, and it would get out. I help them because it’s already a tragedy that doesn’t need to be compounded upon by being forced to watch their loved ones be burned to death.” I stepped over a fallen tree limb, my headache worsening. However, it had nothing to do with my gift and everything to do with the conversation. “Sorry to ruin your theory, but I’m not a sadist.”

“No,” he said from behind me. “You’re not. You’re just afraid.”

Whipping around, I gaped at him. “Afraid?”

“Of your Ascension. Yes. You’re afraid. There’s no shame in admitting that.” He came forward, stopping in front of me. “At least, not to me.”

But to others, like my guardians or the Priests, it wouldn’t be something I could ever admit. They would see that fear as being sacrilegious, as if the only reason I’d have to be afraid would be due to something horrible and not the fact I had no idea what would happen to me upon my Ascension.

If I were to live.

Or die.

I closed my eyes.

“I understand,” Vikter repeated. “You have no idea what will happen. I get it. I do, but Poppy, whether you take these unnecessary risks on purpose or not, regardless of if you’re afraid or not, the end result will not change. All you will do is incur the Duke’s wrath. That is all.”

I opened my eyes and saw nothing but darkness.

“Because no matter what you do, you’re not going to be found unworthy,” Vikter said. “You will Ascend.”

Vikter’s words kept me up for most of the night, and I ended up skipping our normal morning training session held in one of the old rooms in the