From Blood and Ash (Blood And Ash #1) - Jennifer L. Armentrout Page 0,175

to go handle something,” he answered. I opened my eyes. He stared down at me as he dragged his thumb across my cheek, just under the scar. “You don’t need to get up yet.”

“Are you sure?” I yawned.

A faint grin appeared. “I am, Princess. Sleep.” He tucked the blanket around me once more and then rose. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

I wanted to say something, somehow acknowledge what had transpired between us, and what it meant to me, but I wasn’t sure how to say it, and my eyes were getting heavy. I fell back to sleep, but I didn’t stay there long. I woke for a second time, the lamp still burning, and the bed empty beside me.

Stretching my limbs, I pressed my lips together at the strange, dull ache between my legs. I didn’t need the reminder of last night, but there it was. I glanced around the room, my gaze snagging on the chair. My clothing was folded there. Had it been Magda who’d come to the door? Or someone else? Either way, whoever it was, the state of undress in which Hawke had answered the door revealed everything.

I bit down on my lip as I lay there, staring at the small window. Like before, there was no panic or dread. People talked. One way or another, what had happened here would travel beyond the cobblestone streets. It would eventually make its way to the capital, and then to the Queen. Even if by some small chance it didn’t, the gods had to know that I was no longer an actual maiden. Whether or not that meant I was still the Maiden in their eyes, I had no idea.

But I was no longer the Maiden in mine.

I couldn’t go back to that life.

A brief burst of fear pierced my chest, but that was okay because a surge of determination quickly doused it like water does flames.

I wouldn’t go back to that life of no rights, of hiding my gift and being unable to help people, of allowing others to do whatever they wanted with me and to me because I had no choice or was constantly put in a position where I had to accept whatever was done out of fear for someone else. Because even though I knew the Queen would never treat me poorly, I would still be expected to hide my gift, to be quiet and unseen, amicable, and appeasing. Every single one of those things went against the very core of my nature.

I couldn’t Ascend.

And that meant there were two options ahead of me. I either attempted to disappear and hid—living behind the veil for so long would be a benefit here since so few people knew what I looked like. However, there were enough that could give a description. I was sure that every city and town would be notified to keep an eye out for me, but I knew how to remain unseen.

But where would I go? How would I survive? And what would happen to Hawke if I disappeared while he was supposed to be escorting me?

I didn’t assume that my now very unknown, uncertain future included Hawke. However, my chest still fluttered. What we’d shared last night had to mean something more than simply seeking physical gratification. He could find that anywhere, but he had chosen me.

And I chose him.

That had to mean something that went beyond last night—something that I never thought I’d get the chance to experience.

Whether or not Hawke was a part of my life or not, the only other option was to go to the Queen and be honest. Now that scared me because I…I didn’t want to disappoint her. But she had to understand. She had with my mother, and I was the Queen’s favorite. She had to understand that I couldn’t be this. And if she didn’t, I needed to make her.

Sitting up, I kept the blanket wrapped around me.

I knew what I couldn’t do, but I didn’t know what that meant in the long-term for the kingdom or for me. The sky outside the window started to lighten. I would talk to Hawke about it, and I wouldn’t wait. He needed to know, and I wanted to know what he thought.

What he’d say.

Knowing that dawn was fast approaching, I rose and got ready, using the remaining water to quickly wash up. The water was cold, but since I had no idea when we’d have access to clean water again,