From Blood and Ash (Blood And Ash #1) - Jennifer L. Armentrout Page 0,147

absurd than standing here arguing with half of your face,” he retorted.

I threw up my hands. “That sounds like your problem, not mine.”

Jaw working as he stared down at me, he barked out a short laugh and then turned to where Tawny stood. “I know you want to accompany her. I understand that, but this is not going to be like a normal caravan. There won’t be dozens of guards, and we won’t be staying at the finest inns. Our pace will be fast and hard, and there is an extremely high likelihood that the Rite will not be the last time you see bloodshed.”

I turned to Tawny, but before I could speak, she said, “I know. I understand.” She came forward. “I appreciate that you want me to come with you, Poppy, but I can’t.”

A feather could’ve knocked me over. “You…you don’t want to?” She’d been so excited about seeing the capital.

But if I wasn’t here, then her time would become hers, at least a good majority of it. I pressed my lips together.

“I want to. Badly.” She stopped in front of me, clasping my hands. “And I hope you believe that, but the idea of going out there like this terrifies me.”

I…I wanted to believe her.

She brought our joined hands up to her chest. “Not only that, but what Hawke said is true. So many guards are…they are gone. And the ones going with you cannot be focused on me. I can’t fight. Not like you can. I can’t do what you did.”

What I did? Did she mean when I defended myself or…or what I’d done to the Lord?

“I can’t go,” she whispered.

Closing my eyes, I exhaled raggedly. She was right. So was Hawke. It would be irresponsible and illogical for Tawny to travel with us. And while I was worried about leaving her behind in a city in such a state of unrest, I was arguing because…because…

I was leaving everything familiar behind.

So much had happened. So many losses. And while I didn’t have the brain space or the emotional capacity to worry about the possibility of the Ascension moving up or even being found unworthy by the gods, I wasn’t borrowing tomorrow’s problems. But everything kept shifting and changing, and Tawny was…she was the last of what used to be.

What if I didn’t see her again?

Drawing in a shaky breath, I couldn’t let myself think like that. I couldn’t let Tawny think that. I opened my eyes. “You’re right.”

Tears gathered in her eyes. “I hate being right.”

“Thank the gods, there’s someone rational in this room,” Hawke muttered.

My head shot in his direction. “No one asked you for your input.”

Commander Jansen whistled under his breath.

“Well, you got it, Princess.” He smirked when I dropped Tawny’s hands and turned to him. He walked to the door and then stopped. “And I have more input for you. Pack lightly. And don’t bother taking that damn veil. You won’t be wearing it.”

Eyes closed and chin lifted to the rising sun, I reveled in the feel of the cool morning air kissing my bare cheeks and brow as I stood beside the black walls of the Rise. It was such a small thing, but it had been years since the sun and wind had touched every part of my face. My skin prickled pleasantly, and even the reason I was able to do this didn’t tarnish the moment.

The veil made me a very obvious moving target as we traveled to Carsodonia. The best way for us to avoid Descenters and the Dark One was to ensure that no one we came into contact with realized who I was, which was why our group was gathering near the Rise, and I wore a plain dark brown cloak with a heavy sweater underneath it, and my lone pair of breeches and boots. I had no idea what people would think when they saw me, but they definitely wouldn’t think of the Maiden.

It was also why I’d said my goodbyes to Tawny in my room. The few castle staff that would be moving about may recognize Tawny as my companion, and Hawke was taking no chances by ignoring the possibility that Descenters could still be among those who worked in the castle.

And that made it even harder to say goodbye to Tawny. Anything could happen between now and when she joined me in the capital, and I’d have no idea until someone decided to tell me. That caused my stomach to twist with helplessness because