The Blessings of the Animals: A Novel - By Katrina Kittle Page 0,59
without raising my hackles. “I’m trying to eat. I just . . . can’t.”
“I remember that feeling. I lost about fifteen pounds when Rita left.”
“And you don’t have fifteen pounds to spare.”
“Like you have any room to talk, Miss Skeletore.”
I laughed. He used to call me that, even when I was hospitalized. It made the nurses gasp.
“You understand you have a disorder, right?” Vijay asked. “Even though you’ve managed it for years, you’re susceptible in times of trauma or stress, kind of like an addict.”
“You must be a good influence on me,” I said, “because I’m starving. Where are we going?”
He chuckled as we approached downtown. “You know what really sounds good? The grilled calamari at Tanti Baci.”
“I was craving that just the other day!”
“Great minds, you know. Wanna go? I could pretend to be your boyfriend. I’ll make out with you in front of Bobby.”
I laughed. “Oh, my God. You’re so wonderful. I love you.”
“I love you, too, Cam. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.” He reached across and put a hand on my knee. “So, what do you think? The Pine Club? Jay’s? El Meson?”
I thought a moment. “I’d go to Tanti Baci. I really want that calamari.” Bobby made it the old-world way, not thick strips of tentacle but tiny squids fried whole that you ate like popcorn.
“Really? I was kidding.”
“What, am I not allowed to go there? Am I supposed to hide?” What was I doing? This was a stupid idea and I knew it in my bones. But, maybe, if I saw Bobby again, it would be natural and easy like yesterday. It had felt so . . . good to see him.
“You’re just being Reckless Diva again,” Vijay said.
I laughed. “No, honest. It’s just I’m craving some of that food. Nothing else sounds good.”
He didn’t say anything.
“And you don’t have to make out with me.”
“Oh.” He feigned disappointment. “Well, if you change your mind, I’m willing.”
My belly fluttered. Was he just trying to make me feel good?
I drove us to Tanti Baci, but Vijay said, “I’m not eating here. I don’t know what you’re trying to prove, but if you want to have dinner with me, we’re eating somewhere else.”
I was half-relieved, half-disappointed to be saved from my own childish willfulness.
We ended up—at Vijay’s request—at another Italian place, one I’d always liked, but which after Tanti Baci had opened felt disloyal for me to patronize.
The hostess led us to a romantic corner table by a window. Vijay held out a chair for me, and we ordered a bottle of Chianti and grilled calamari.
And, as I had done all my life, I told Vijay everything. Zayna. The puppy. The trail ride with my mother. The scarred Passier saddle. Gabriella’s marriage ban.
My new plan to salvage my marriage and make it better, like my parents had.
Vijay unfolded his napkin with his huge hands. He’d grown into his hands, but they used to look all out of proportion to the rest of him. He spread the napkin on his lap, then said, “Cami. Are you sure you want to offer him this? Think about what he did. He did a shitty, hurtful thing to you. I mean, marriages end. Relationships end. The reason this one ended is one thing that only you and Bobby will ever know or understand. But how it ended? That’s another thing altogether. The how it ended puts Bobby on my shit list until the end of time.”
I thought about how it had felt the day Bobby left. Opening that sock drawer.
If there’s anything I can do for you.
Love.
The waitress brought our wine. After the opening and pouring ritual, Vijay raised his glass. I raised mine, too, even though my hand trembled. “To surviving life.”
“Life,” I repeated. This was really happening, messy and surreal. Vijay’s “Are you sure?” left me unsteady. I set my glass down and tucked my shaking fingers under my thighs. “This sure wasn’t what I thought would happen,” I said. “I’ve been dumped by my husband like a shelter dog. My life is falling apart.”
Vijay frowned his disagreement.
I wanted to drink my wine, but I didn’t want Vijay to see the telltale tremors in my hands. “I feel like such a failure,” I admitted.
“You can’t fail a test you weren’t allowed to take,” Vijay said.
I shivered, and hoped he didn’t notice. Why was it so cold in here?
“Your husband left you for a child waitress and you’re feeling that you failed?”