couldn't do it? My fears had nothing to do with my vocal abilities and everything to do with the emotional wreckage I already found myself wading through. I could barely get through the concert in front of strangers. Would I be able to do it?
“Just think about it.” Dad stood from the loveseat and patted my shoulder. “Now, I'd better go find your brothers and those two that are coming with us. Are you going to be okay going with Colton?”
I blinked hard, trying to get over hearing my dad talking about my band mates like it was normal. He'd never had anything nice to say about them when we talked on the phone. He didn't go out of his way to be nasty, but until tonight I was under the impression that everything about my lifestyle and job was unacceptable in his mind.
“Yes, Dad. We ride all the time.” It was hard to not let on how nice it was to have my dad openly worried about me. “We'll have to throw some stuff in the van. I'll walk with you.”
When my dad pulled me to his side I didn't resist. There'd be time in the future to figure out where my relationship with my family was going. This was the time to savor whatever we had and be there for one another.
“Jon, Trav, get out here,” I yelled from outside the bus. I wanted to talk to them without my brothers overhearing us to find out how they really felt about spending their time off with me. I know they'd already said they wanted to be there for me, but this was taking things to a whole new level.
“'Sup, Rain?” Travis bounded down the stairs with a can of Pepsi in his hand. I was impressed; he was normally the first one to crack a beer open as soon as we were back on the bus.
Even though I hadn't asked him to, Colton appeared in the darkness as well. He walked behind me and wrapped his arms around me for the second time tonight. While we were no strangers to a certain level of intimacy, this felt different.
With my defenses already shattered I welcomed the gesture even though I had serious reservations. I'd spent years telling myself I'd never get involved with a band mate. I'd spent many months defending the platonic state of our personal relationship. And now, I was the one having thoughts about Colton that didn't fall into the friends category.
“You guys are cool with this?” I looked from one to the other trying to see a glimmer of doubt or hesitation in their expressions. Jon and Travis both nodded. “And you realize you're riding back to Lex with my dad and brothers?” I cringed at the thought. The only common bond between everyone in the van was going to be me, meaning I was likely going to be the topic of conversation. They nodded again. “And you realize that if you do or say anything that comes back to haunt me, I'll kill you while you sleep?”
“Oh, come on, you really think we'd say anything embarrassing?” Travis batted his thick eyelashes at me trying to pretend he was sweet and innocent.
“Yes,” I laughed, “I know damn well you'll say something that's gonna kick my ass. Remember, they're just starting to accept who I am and what I do. I don't need you assholes ruining that for me.”
Jon wrapped his arm around me as Colton stepped back. I felt a bit like a pinball being passed from one person to the next. “You think that little of us? Honestly, this might be a good thing for you.” I had to tilt my head back to look into Jon's amber eyes.
“I know, it's just...”
Travis pulled me away from Jon and buried my head in his chest. “Don't worry. We'll be good. And if Jon goes to say anything, I'll whip him out at highway speeds.”
The way Jon's gaze was fixed on the ground as he kicked the dirt told me something was bothering him. I swallowed hard, wondering if he was going along with this because it's what the rest of the band signed on for. It wouldn't be the first time but it would be the first time it pissed me off. This wasn't a song on an album or an appearance; this was spending time with my family. It really was more than I ever could have asked of any of them.