angry at my mom for dying before I could stop being angry at her for being a shitty mom wasn’t an excuse to be a dick.”
Wow.
“I don’t know what to say.”
“You’ve already said it. And I’ve never forgotten it.”
Jamie looked nervous. I’d never seen him look nervous. He swallowed hard and glanced between the road and me, his fingers white-knuckling the steering wheel. “I … uh … I’ve never asked anyone other than my professors to read anything I’ve written before, but … would you? I mean, would you …” He rolled his eyes at himself. “Would you want to read something of mine?”
It took everything within me not to shout a big, fat YES at the top of my lungs. My pounding heart was now speeding at a hundred miles per hour, my palms clammy. Be cool, Jane. Be cool. “Sure.” I was proud I sounded normal, in control. I smiled when he looked at me again. “I’d like that.”
Jamie released a breath. Like what I thought mattered or something. “Okay. Great.”
I tried to lose my smile and failed spectacularly. He caught me and grinned. A full, wide, gorgeous grin. For me.
Something passed between us.
Something new.
And exciting.
Holy fluttering butterflies.
I’d always been hyperaware of Jamie McKenna, but it felt like, in that moment, maybe he was just as aware of me.
“So, what about you?” he asked.
“What about me what?”
“College. You’re a senior after the summer and then it’s college. What are your plans?”
College made me anxious. I knew what my heart wanted, but my head, a.k.a. Lorna, told me something else.
“Well, Lorna thinks I should consider pre-law with her.”
Jamie snorted. Hard.
I scowled. “What?”
He looked at me in disbelief. “You, a lawyer? No. No. I asked what you wanted to do. Not what Lorna wants you to do.”
Well, that was obvious, surely. “Jamie, I want to go to art school. But what the hell will I do with an art degree?”
“Something that makes you happy.” He might as well have added “duh” onto the end of his sentence. “Jane, you’re talented. And way too creative to be stuck in a job that won’t allow you to explore that side of you. Plus, college is for discovering shit about yourself. Go to art school. Try different classes. Do things you never thought you’d like or be good at—see where it leads.”
My palms were clammy for a different reason now. “And what about money and security?”
“All good things. I didn’t say they weren’t. But there’s a reason they say money can’t buy happiness.” He flicked me an assessing look. “Back in Dorchester, we had this neighbor. Alejandro Elba. He was a jazz player. Didn’t have a lot of money but he had a shit ton of records, had played the sax alongside Miles Davis, Charles Mingus, and Herbie Hancock. Unlike them, Alejandro didn’t find fame. And it didn’t seem to matter to him. He went out on the streets of Boston and played that sax like a legend. Scooped up his takings for the day, bought a coffee, and sat in the neighborhood, chatting with his friends and anyone who wanted his time.
“He was the happiest guy I’d ever met. Way fucking happier than all of Skye’s rich-and-famous friends put together. I will never do something because it’ll make me a crap ton of money. My life will be about what feels right.”
A smile pulled at my lips as I stared at Jamie McKenna’s handsome profile. Those butterflies he caused in my belly, that sweet ache in my chest, his words amplified them all.
Feeling my stare, he asked, “What?”
“I’m just wondering when you got so wise?”
“I don’t know.” He shrugged. “It might have been around the time a cute freshman reminded me to look beyond myself.”
My cheeks bloomed with heat. I couldn’t believe Jamie was so affected by our moment that night while all this time, I’d felt weird about telling him my story.
And did he just call me cute?
It wasn’t “sexy,” but I’d take it.
“Jane.”
“Yeah?”
“I have to apologize for something else. I was wrong. A few weeks back. At the pool.”
Remembering the moment he’d chastised me about the bikini, I shifted uncomfortably. “Okay.”
“I mean it. You were right. I shouldn’t tell you what you can and cannot wear. It was high-handed and assholian.”
Laughter bubbled on my lips. “Assholian?”
Jamie grinned. “Yes, it was extremely assholian.”
“So, you’re just inventing words now?”
“When appropriate, yeah.”
I laughed and he flashed me a warm look, affection bright in his eyes. “I like it. It’s a good word.”