“I didn’t do it to fuck you over. I really believe you’re better off without her. I … I did it for that, and, yes, I did it to hurt Jane.”
Jane stiffened beside me. She stared at the floor, her cheeks flushed with emotion. Lorna had once been her best friend, her family.
“Why?”
“Because … Because I pushed Skye away because of her.” Lorna cried, and this time it sounded genuine. “I was so mad at Skye for not seeing my side of things when you and Jane started dating. It was like Jane came along and gave her the kid sister she’d always wanted. And Jane … I loved Jane, and she chose you over me, Jamie. Do you know how much that hurt?”
Jane winced and tried to tug her hand from mine, but I wouldn’t let her.
“Lorna, you know you only felt that way because of Dad. Skye loved you. Jane loved you. You didn’t have to make it a choice. You forced that.”
“I didn’t force Skye to play favorites, to choose sides. And she did. And I was so mad at her, Jamie, and I pushed her away and then … she died while I was mad at her. I hate myself for that! But what could I do? So I took it out on Jane. I hurt Jane because I couldn’t take it out on myself.”
Jane pulled away and strode across the room. With her back to me, I could see her trying to get control of her breathing, to calm down.
I understood. I was struggling myself. “What about me? I’d just had my life stolen, and Jane was the only thing keeping me going. How the hell could you do that to me?”
“I thought I was doing you a favor.”
She thought she was doing me a favor.
Six years of mourning Jane. Hating her. Loving her and hating myself for loving her.
Never mind the things I’d done and said to her in the last few weeks.
Things I’d spend the rest of our lives making up for.
All because my little sister was selfish to her fucking core.
“We’re done, Lorna.”
Jane whirled around, watching me carefully.
I nodded at her in reassurance, my jaw clenched so tight so I wouldn’t say awful shit to my sister I couldn’t take back.
“What do you mean?”
“I can’t forgive you,” I admitted. “I’ve had to live six years of my life without the person who makes my life worthwhile. I can’t get those years back and neither can she. We can’t forget how that’s changed us. You did that to us. I’ll never be able to look at you the same way again. I’ll never be able to trust you enough to have you back in my life.”
“Jamie,” Lorna sobbed. “Please don’t say that.”
I swallowed down the emotion, hating that it still hurt to hurt her. “Goodbye, Lorna.” I hung up and threw the phone on the table, trying to hold myself together.
“It’s always something,” I said, my voice hoarse. “The good shines in.” I gazed up Jane. “It shines in so fucking bright, I can’t believe my luck … and then a cloud passes over and puts me back in the shade.”
Jane crossed the room and I pulled her between my legs, resting my forehead against her stomach, binding my arms tightly around her. Her fingers smoothed through my hair and down my neck, her nails lightly scratching my nape, causing goose bumps to prickle across my skin.
I held on tighter, breathing her in.
“One day,” she whispered, “we’re going to have that future we always talked about. A little place in the quiet … somewhere so beautiful that even the shade can’t dull the shine.”
30
JANE
The yellow building gleamed in the morning sunshine. I imagined the owners painted it that color so people would feel happier about entering it to talk about all the shit that made them unhappy.
I still felt sick as I stared at it. My palms were clammy too.
Not just because I hated confrontation, but because I intended to ruin Jamie’s plans.
It was a risk, considering I’d only just gotten him back, but I’d had a lot of time to think these last few days and, ultimately, I believed that what Jamie needed more than anything was peace. He needed to move on.
Although I’d called in sick to work the day of the Lorna phone call, I couldn’t keep doing that. In the following days, I’d gone to work, like always, but when I