Then she shocked the shit out of me by wrenching away and screaming, “I HATE YOU!” with such anguish, she almost took me out at the knees.
Tears burned in my eyes as she stood, chest heaving with shallow breaths, and stared at me in disgust. “Jane—”
“Get out! I hate you, get out!” she yelled over and over.
Fuck! I hauled her into my arms, wrapping Jane in a constricting embrace as I pressed my lips to her ear and begged her to stop. This wasn’t her. This wasn’t my Jane.
I was terrified I’d broken her.
And I realized as I covered Jane’s tear-stained face in kisses and felt her fingernails dig into my back as she held onto me that I would never hurt her.
I couldn’t.
Not like I’d planned.
I couldn’t even witness her in pain without it breaking me apart.
Because no matter the fact that she abandoned me when I needed her, I still loved her.
I would always love Jane.
It was the kind of love that would never fade.
I forgave her.
If the choice was between not forgiving her and being without her, then I forgave her.
I’d forgive Jane anything.
JANE
Shaking and trembling in Jamie’s embrace, I felt in shock. I had no idea I would lose it like that.
Yet I knew it had been building all day. For days, actually. Seeing Elena had reminded me of how much pain I’d been in for Jamie when he went to prison. The pain I’d been in that visiting him behind bars. It was the first time I’d realized that loving someone meant hurting for them more than you would for yourself. I still felt that for him.
And he’d sent me on a date with another guy.
Not just any guy.
A cop.
One partnered with a dangerous cop.
I knew I’d volunteered to do it, but as I sat across from Lincoln Gaines, that fuse of resentment that sparked earlier in the day burned down to the wire. How could Jamie be all right with putting me in that position? In what reality was it okay that he not only let me do this, he handed me the keys to his Porsche for the date and reminded me “to treat tonight like an actual date and not push on anything regarding Wright.”
I resented Jamie. I resented my feelings for him and his lack of feelings for me.
I was indignant that I be treated like the bad guy when he was the one who broke up with me.
Even if he had misunderstood the Asher situation, he knew the truth now, and yet he was still using me.
We’d had sex, and he pretended like it never happened.
Then there was me. A woman who’d changed her legal name to the one her adoptive parents gave her, clinging to something I should’ve let go a long time ago. I had, once. When Jamie and I fell in love, I’d finally let go of dreaming for a life as Margot Higgins.
But then he pushed me away.
And I was right back at square one.
Only for him to return—and now, wasn’t I just clinging to him the same way I’d clung to a girl who didn’t exist?
For days, I’d been telling myself I was okay. That I’d survive Jamie coming back into my life. That I’d survive Asher’s lies.
I’d survive.
But you can keep telling yourself you’re okay and not be okay. I was a goddamn swan on the water, calm on the surface, and kicking like hell beneath it.
Those feelings exploded out of me when I least expected them to.
“I’m sorry.” Jamie’s voice was hoarse with emotion. “I’m sorry, Doe.”
I tensed at the old endearment.
Feeling me stiffen, Jamie’s embrace only tightened. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”
“You don’t mean it,” I whispered.
“You scared me.” He kissed a tear track on my cheek and followed its trail to the corner of my mouth. Holding my face in his hands, he switched to the other cheek, his stubble prickling me with the movement. Then he kissed every bit of skin a tear had touched. I was afraid to move. Afraid to break the spell of his gentleness.
And I was exhausted from my meltdown.
I didn’t understand what was happening.
When his lips brushed over mine, my breath hitched as they tingled, and I jerked my head back to stare into his eyes.
What I saw there made my heart stop.
Jamie, my Jamie, gazed down at me. Like he used to. Like he loved me. It