with the five other kids they fostered, so Lip got away with a lot of bad shit.
Jane hesitated, and I felt a strange lurch in my chest. “Yeah.”
“What’s the hesitation about?”
“They just … they’re fine. They’re not around much, but they make sure I have everything I need, and they don’t yell at me or … anything else.”
“Anything else? Has someone done ‘anything else’ to you?” Why was I suddenly so aggravated?
Jane looked up at me, and the small smile and knowing look in her eyes made me feel like a naive little kid. “Jamie, the system is kind of flawed. Too many kids in care, not enough social workers, and definitely not enough foster parents. I’ve had it both ways. Good and bad.”
For a moment, I forgot I was talking to a fourteen-year-old and not a grown-up. The world weariness in her eyes made me feel shitty. Growing up how I did meant growing up fast. But, I realized, growing up alone like Jane had made her grow up fast too. It didn’t seem fair. “I’m sorry.”
She was quiet a while, and then she took in a deep breath, as if preparing herself for something. She then blurted out, “You seem different. Less angry.”
Yeah, I think Jane Doe had been paying attention to me. I frowned. “What does that mean?”
“You used to be kind of …”
“Kind of what?”
Jane’s lips twitched, and she flicked me an amused look before staring ahead. “Moody.”
I had a feeling that wasn’t the word she was looking for. And I was still a moody bastard. “Yeah, well, so would you be if your dad took off, leaving you with the kind of mom I had, and bad mom or not, she died anyway.” I frowned, wondering why I’d said that.
This time when she looked at me, Jane held my gaze in a way that unnerved me. There was a wisdom in her eyes that made me feel weirdly younger than she was. “Can I tell you something? Something I haven’t told even Lorna.”
I nodded, knowing whatever it was, it was important. I didn’t know why she wanted to tell me, and I didn’t know why I wanted to know whatever it was, but I did.
“I got adopted as a baby.”
What?
Seeing my confusion, she nodded, her expression so sad, it made my pulse speed up. “Marissa and Calvin Higgins adopted me when I was nine months old. My name was Margot Higgins.”
“I don’t understand.”
“They couldn’t have kids. The only family they had was Calvin’s mom. She didn’t like Marissa. She didn’t like me. She didn’t like anyone that Calvin loved more than her. I didn’t realize that then.” She gave me a sad smirk. “It’s all the things you piece together when you’re older, you know. All the memories that make sense when you’re not a kid anymore.”
“Jane … I don’t …” How could she be adopted and then end up back in foster care?
“They loved me,” she whispered mournfully. “They were Mom and Dad. I was seven when it happened. Car crash. I was at school. They car-shared to work. After they died, that’s when I found out they’d adopted me. That they weren’t my real mom and dad.”
I felt my stomach sink for her.
“I used to dance.” She was lost in her thoughts now. “Ballet. But it’s expensive, and I moved from foster parent to foster parent. Paying for ballet lessons wasn’t even a remote possibility. For a while, it’s all I could draw. Ballerinas. Sometimes I still do. Anytime I see a dancer, it reminds me that my life could have been different.” She gave a sad laugh. “But it’s not. It is what it is, and we make the most of what we have. Still, I like to dream about that life. Marissa, my mom, she’d promised when I was a little older, she’d take me to see my first real performance. I’ve still never been to the ballet.”
“One day, you will.” It was out of my mouth before I could stop it. A promise. A conviction. “Why is your name Jane Doe?”
“Dad’s mom didn’t want me, even though she was my next of kin. Willa thinks my parents had to have left everything, including me, to my adoptive grandmother. That she didn’t abide by their wishes. I found out about the adoption when they died. My dad’s mom didn’t even want me to have my dad’s name. Social Services didn’t want a fight about it, and I was only seven. My