"Don't think of him and think of it at the same time," Bitterblue said calmly. "Don't ever bring him up in any conversation or contemplation you don't wish him to be a part of."
Giddon made a noise of disbelief; then went quiet, working that over for a while. "Let's discuss what you've just told me another time, Lady Queen," he said, "for my thoughts are rather singlemindedly on Po right now."
"The only point I wanted to make," Bitterblue said, "is that I have an irrational terror of heights."
"Heights," Giddon said, sounding lost.
"On occasion," she said, "it is profoundly humiliating."
Giddon went quiet again. When he next spoke, he was not lost. "I've shown you my worst behavior, Lady Queen, and you respond with kindness."
"If that's really the worst you've got," Bitterblue said, "then Po has an excellent friend, indeed."
Giddon stared into his hands again, which were broad and big as plates. Bitterblue resisted the urge to hold hers up to his and marvel at the difference in size.
"I've been trying to decide which is the most humiliating," he said. "That I was only able to hit him because he let me—he stood there like a punching bag, Lady Queen—"
"Mm? And you know, you won't get the credit for it," said Bitterblue. "Everyone will think Katsa made a mistake in one of their practice fights. No one will believe you managed it."
"Don't feel the need to spare my feelings, Lady Queen," he said dryly.
"Go on," Bitterblue said, grinning. "You were enumerating the points of your humiliation."
"Yes, you're very thoughtful. Second, it's not pleasant to be the last person to know."
"Ah," Bitterblue said. "I'll just point out that you're far from the last person to know."
"But you understand me, Lady Queen. I spend more time with Po than any of the rest of you. Even Katsa. Though really, there's no contest."
"What do you mean?"
"The truest humiliation," he said, then stopped, suddenly stiffjawed and miserable, drawing his arms and shoulders close to his body, as if it were a thing he could protect himself from physically, like a blow, or like cold weather. Which, of course, it wasn't.
Bitterblue stretched her legs out straight and made a quiet show of smoothing her trousers, to spare him the embarrassment of being watched. She said simply, "I know."
He nodded, once. "I've opened so much of myself to him. Especially in the early years, when I had no suspicions and never thought to take care with my thoughts—and also happened to hate him. He knew every point of resentment I bore against him; every jealous thought, he knew. And now I'm remembering all of it, every single piece of malice, and the humiliation is double, because as I relive it, he does too."
Yes. This was the worst, the most unfair and humiliating thing about any mind reader, especially a secret mind reader. It was the reason Katsa was so frightened: a great wellspring of wrath and humiliation, all focused on Po, especially if Po began telling his truth indiscriminately.
"Katsa has told me that she was also humiliated when Po first told her," Bitterblue said, "and furious. She threatened to tell everyone. She never wanted to see him again."
"Yes," Giddon said. "And then she ran away with him."
He spoke those words mildly, which interested her. Bitterblue considered his tone for an instant, then decided to seize it as justification for asking an utterly inappropriate question about something she'd been wondering. "Are you in love with her?"
He shot her an incredulous brown glare. "Is that any of your business?"
"No," she said. "Are you in love with him?"
Giddon rubbed his eyebrows in wonderment. "Lady Queen, where is this coming from?"
"Well, it fits, doesn't it? It explains the tension with Katsa."
"I hope you haven't been stirring up this sort of talk with the others. If you have nosy questions about me, ask me."
"I am," Bitterblue said.
"Yes," Giddon said, chewing on the word with admirable good humor, "you are."
"I haven't," she said.
"Lady Queen?"
"Asked anyone this question but you," she said. "And no one has said anything definitive about it to me. And I can keep a secret."