he did. He read every page, I think. Every secret. Every wish. Every fantasy. And because of that, nothing feels real anymore.
It's like listening to a song and admiring it because the lyrics are so heartfelt and then realizing the singer was lip-syncing and that it was actually someone else singing.
Everything Ethan did in Switzerland, he did because of what he read in my journal. Either he felt sorry for me because of the things he read or he used the information to seduce me. It was all a trick, a farce. And the worst part is that I fell for all of it.
I fell for him.
But I'm done. Yesterday, I quit being Ethan's assistant. Today, I just stayed in bed nursing my broken heart, a stupid part of me silently hoping that Ethan would come and mend it, that he would somehow make things right. But of course, he didn't. And now I've realized I can't stay.
I've learned to like Chicago, but I can't stay in the place where I met the only man I've ever loved, the same man who doesn't love me and probably never will. I won't be able to move on if I stay here. And I have to move on.
I have to go so I can survive.
The doorbell breaks into my thoughts. I freeze.
In spite of myself, hope fills my chest. Is that Ethan? Did he finally come to his senses? Is he here to stop me from leaving?
I open the door. My heart sinks when I see Jess and Randy.
"We're not who you were expecting, are we?" Randy asks.
"Nonsense." I put on a smile. "I just didn't think you'd show up here. Aren't you guys supposed to be at work?"
Jess points to her watch. Right. It's already the end of the day.
She puts her hands on her hips. "The question is: Why weren't you at work?"
They noticed?
"Before that, can we come in?" Randy asks. "It feels weird to be standing here."
"Yeah, sure."
I open the door wider so they can come inside, something I should have done first thing.
"Just pardon the mess."
The takeout boxes from lunch are still on the table. The door to my bedroom is open and my bed hasn't been made. Plus my suitcase is on the floor.
Jess sees it and gives me a look of concern. "You're leaving?"
I purse my lips.
"So it's true," Randy says. "You resigned."
I narrow my eyes at him. "How did you know?"
"I overheard someone from HR talking about it."
"Why?" Jess asks me. "Why are you leaving?"
"Because..."
I stop talking because tears sting my eyes again. This time, I can't stop them. They just fall down my cheeks.
"Oh." Jess wraps her arms around me and I sob on her shoulder.
I don't understand. I've already cried so much and yet I'm crying again. Even harder this time. I can feel myself trembling. My chest just hurts. And it seems the only way to ease the pain is to let my tears out.
So that's what I do. I cry until I can't cry anymore. Afterwards, Randy hands me a box of tissues.
"Thank you," I tell him before blowing my nose. Then I turn to Jess. "I'm sorry I got your sweater wet."
"It's fine," she says. "I'm more worried about you."
"Me too," Randy says. "Is all this because of Ethan? Did something happen in Switzerland?"
I tell them. I tell them everything. When I'm done, they both give me a hug.
"Oh, you poor thing." Jess strokes my hair.
"Ethan's a jerk," Randy says. "And to think I had a crush on him."
I grin. "I'm the biggest fool, though."
Jess squeezes my hand. "I wish I could convince you to stay. I hate to think that you're leaving just when I've started to get to know you."
"Me too," I tell her.
"But I know you have to go. I'd do the same thing."
"Where are you going?" Randy asks me.
I draw a deep breath. "Home."
~
The fog greets me as soon as I come out of the airport in Seattle. I smile because it feels like a hug from the city, welcoming me back.
I drop my things at a hotel and grab a cup of coffee. I sip it as I reminisce inside the cab headed to the house where my parents and I used to live.
So many memories.
Even more of them come flooding back once I'm standing in front of the two-story house I know so well. It looks the same as when I left it. Dark blue roof. Pale blue walls. White door. White windows. White