Billion Dollar Stranger - Stephanie Brother Page 0,54
back. Tell her that it isn't going to work out between us and wish her well. I can run from the first connection I've felt to a woman in a long time. I can hold to the rule and keep everyone at arm's length and never allow myself to get hurt again.
I scrub myself dry as if I can erase all the doubts and regrets that way, then stand and look at myself in the mirror. My reflection gazes back with an expression as empty as I feel inside. I've developed some lines around my eyes in the last year and a few streaks of gray have appeared in my hair, which make me look more mature. I'm a man on the outside, but I feel as uncertain as a teenager on the inside. It's as though Adrianna and her betrayal have reversed my emotional maturity, and I've been unable to move forward.
I rub at the skin around my mouth, stubble rasping against my fingers, imagining myself as an older man with salt and pepper hair and deeper lines on my face. What would my life be like then if I didn't try to move forward? Unmarried men in their forties are not seen as happily single out of choice, but as eternal playboys, or tragic figures with commitment issues. And who the fuck wants to be the only man in the room without kids to pass their good fortune on to? I don't want that to be that man.
I have to get my shit together.
In the morning, I have a board meeting to attend and then a financial review. AHP is doing well. Over the last six years, work has been my life, and to succeed in it is very important to me. But for the first time, my success feels hollow when I realize that I don't have a single person in my life, family, or friend, who I want to call to share the good news with. I made my rule to keep myself isolated from attachment, but it feels empty to have so much and not to be able to share it with someone special.
Back in my office, I pull up Nicole's LinkedIn profile and stare at her picture. My hands itch to pick up the phone, but I don't have her number. Her picture looks at me from the screen, expression thoughtful, and I imagine sharing my news with her. I know she'd be interested and would ask me insightful questions. She's a clever girl with a good business brain and not afraid to put her point across. I'm surprised to realize that I have noticed those traits in her and to find that they are important to me. I've been so driven by appearances in recent years that the shift in my thinking is startling.
About halfway through the morning, Robert calls on my cell phone. We haven't spoken since his round of applause caused Nicole to bolt.
"Hey, brother," he says, sounding very cheerful.
"Robert," I reply tersely.
"Hey, you're not still pissed at me for watching you get kinky with that British girl, are you?" He laughs, as he's always done since we were kids. Our parents encouraged us to be competitive.
"I think I have a right to be," I say calmly, not wanting to show how riled I am. It would only make him worse.
"I talked to Mom, and she says you went to London. Was it to see Little Miss Submissive?"
"Fuck, Robert. Don't call her that."
"So it was. Man, you must have it bad to go all that way to get laid. Isn't there enough home-grown pussy for you to choose from?"
"All that education our parents funded and listen to you."
"You know, I didn't call you for abuse, Aaron."
"Then stop trying to rile me up."
"Where's the fun in that? So you really did go to see her in London?"
"Yeah, I guess I did."
"How'd it go?"
I think about our day and how good it had been to spend time with Nicole. The sex had been intense, but the part I remember most is coming inside her while she held me close and whispered soothing words in my ear. Everything was good until I walked away. I'm ashamed of that.
"It was good," I say, but it my tone doesn’t match my words. Robert doesn't seem to notice, though.
"Wow. You're seriously thinking about leaving your playboy days behind?"
"I don't know, Robert. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. There's just something about her."
"Ah, the 'something’."
"Yeah," I